Bearing Blue
by Expert Shinobi
Summary: He is wealthy, he is intelligent, and he is powerful. Therefore, you need not be any of these things. You need to learn to speak when spoken to, prepare meals, mother his child, and remain loving and graceful. That is your job. SouKao
1. Pain bringing Blossom

**Title: Bearing Blue**

**Chapter one: Pain-bringing Blossom**

* * *

"He is wealthy, he is intelligent, and he is powerful. Therefore, you need not to be any of these things."

Megumi recited the words carefully as she combed the tangles from my hair. I'd heard them many a time over the past few months, but only now did they seem to finally sink in.

"What you need to learn, Kaoru, is to speak when spoken to, prepare meals, mother his child, always remaining stylish and graceful. That is your job."

I was motionless on the tatami, overcome by emotions, but yet unable to put them into words. My caretaker, Megumi pulled tightly on my hair to fasten it into a bun, and only then did I lift my eyes from the floor. Smiling, she lifted a round mirror to show off her handiwork, but when I looked, I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me. In the glass I saw a creature – a pale faced, wide-eyed weakling that was nothing like the person I knew myself to be.

"Look alive, Kaoru," Megumi nudged my shoulder. I knew she was hoping the playful gesture would put some life back into my eyes, but I could only manage to stare at my ghostly reflection until she set down the mirror.

"If only I could die," I murmured, and I could feel Megumi eye me sharply.

"Dear Gods, I've never known you to be so dramatic," she pulled a small, black case from her sleeve and began to apply blush to my cheeks.

"Hn." I made a soft grunt in my throat.

Megumi, who had aided in caring for me since birth, was a no nonsense woman and had my demeanor totally pinned. Usually, I would have happily ribbed her back, laughing and smiling with energy unbecoming of most girls my age. However, for the past month I'd been lifeless – barely speaking and simply going through the motions of everyday life. It seemed like only yesterday when my ailing father had called me to his bedside and made me swear to uphold the promise he'd made to my mother.

'_She wanted you to be well taken care of…'_ he'd rasped in my ear.

I clenched my fists in my lap as I remembered, wrinkling the smooth fabric of my wedding kimono. My father, a man who had once been so strong, lay fragile like a child, barely able to clasp my hand as he spoke.

'_You were to be wed before our passing, but such a thing has come unexpectedly.' _

As I reminisced, Megumi continued to tend to my face, brushing a soft, pink color against the apples of my cheeks.

'_You have a suitor, Kaoru. Please…for the sake of your mother…for the sake of your father…'_

Tears had slipped down my cheeks then, but now, now I had no more to spill. Ever since that day, I'd gone through with the preparations during the day while crying to sleep at night. There were no more tears left to cry – just a numb, hollow feeling left behind.

'_Be wed. Be wed and happy.'_

I started to bite down on my lip at the thought of those words, but Megumi took my chin in her hand sharply. Before I could protest, she smoothed a thin layer of red gloss on my parted lips.

"No smudging," she warned, but there was a soft look in her eye.

I turned away to keep my own eyes from misting over. _How father?_ I thought. _How can I be happy?_

The planning had taken place in the open, but no one had ever bothered to allow me to meet the groom. There were always excuses of business and travel, but not having a face to put to a name only made me uneasy. I wanted to believe my mother and father loved me enough to choose a kind suitor, but at the same time wasn't naïve enough to think that marriages were simply about love. Especially with one in a situation as I. The Kamiya family had been powerful in the fishing industry for years, and I heard whispers of my soon to be husband's family ties to the rice industry.

Surely, it was a match made in agricultural heaven.

At first, I thought I could keep the promise to myself, but upon the death of my parents, the remainder of the Kamiya family made it known that I was not to be left to live on my own. I would not bring shame upon the family by remaining unwed. And yet, I rebelled. For the first few weeks I retaliated with anger and stubborn pride. But still, planning moved on. Relatives –his and mine – chattered behind my back, made preparations, exchanged promises and loans. It wasn't long before I was caught up in tea ceremonies and cooking classes, browbeaten and guilted into submission.

At the age of nineteen, I was to become a bride. When first announced at 18, Megumi begged the marriage to be held off as long as possible, but with most girls marrying at 16, the stalling was shameful. But on top of it all, the groom's stepmother was insistent. She, being his only living blood, demanded wedding be done as soon as possible before her own passing.

"His last name…" I furrowed my brow in an unladylike fashion as I racked my brain for the answer. "I can't remember. What is his last name?"

Megumi sighed a little, most likely at my forgetfulness, and sat down to face me head on.

"Seta." She dabbed a bit of wax on her finger and smoothed a piece of hair off my face. "He is the only living heir to his family's fortune, and such prosperity is due to the family's flourishing rice business."

"Ah," I mumbled. My voice sounded husky to my ears, and I knew I wouldn't last long. Megumi seemed to hear it to, but said nothing.

Without warning, the shoji behind us slid open and a thin, mousy looking woman leaned in. It was one of the groom's servants.

"Is she ready?" she asked, without an ounce of cheer. Megumi turned to me for an answer, but before she could stand, I grasped her wrist.

"Please Megumi…I can't…" I bit my lip, trying not to cry. My voice was now barely above a whisper. Megumi gave me a stern look.

"I have faith that you will be taken care of." She took both of my hands in hers and forced me to stand. Still, I quivered.

"Megumi-

"But…if I am mistaken," she heaved a sigh. "If anything ever happens that causes you to fear for your life…you come here. I will take care of the house until things are consolidated between you and Seta-san."

"Megumi…what if he hits me?" I blurted the question, eyes wide. My heart began to race and all of a sudden, things began to feel much more real.

Megumi spoke softly as not to let the servant hear, and straightened the bow on my obi.

"You are a woman…you will stay strong," she said, but I didn't understand.

Megumi sighed aloud, "If he hits you with an open hand, bite your lip and take it. If he hits you with a closed hand anywhere…you run away as fast as you can."

She wrapped my slim fingers around a pure white paper fan with a pink flower in the middle. It matched the rich silk of my wedding kimono.

I wanted to cry out, remembering how the groom had sent it for me without the traditional meeting. Everything so impersonal, everything so fast. What kind of man could he be?

Megumi placed a silver flower pin in my hair to hold the bun stiff and smiled, her eyes wet.

"You look beautiful," she whispered and hugged me tightly to her.

"And if he doesn't think so?" My voice was tired as I didn't return the hug. Instead, I stared blankly out the door.

"Then he is a fool." Megumi let me go, and then squeezed my hand tightly, leading me outside. I bowed my head and closed my eyes for a moment as I walked, my eyelashes shimmering with the reflection of the blue eye shadow. Outside the mansion, several women gasped at me as I passed. Men stopped what they were doing to watch as I was helped into the carriage waiting at the gate.

"Will you come with me?" I pleaded.

Megumi merely smiled and shook her head. "You know that's not possible Kaoru, but please remember you have my love."

When the driver took his seat and shut the door, I began to panic.

"Megumi!" I cried out, trying not to let my voice break as I waved.

The carriage started, and soon Megumi, along with the life I had once known, was completely out of sight.

"Soujirou-sama will be pleased with you madam." The driver tilted his head back and gave a little smile I did not return.

When he looked to me again, his silver eyes shone with concern.

"You will be good for him,: hw said simply and turned back to the road as he pulled up against a large house.

'_His name is Seta Soujirou.'_ I kept his name in my thoughts so I would know how to address him.

Though I was used to living in a spacious home, Soujirou's mansion was amazingly large, spanning acres of field. I could spy a koi pond in the backyard and flowers, though a bit overgrown, took over the front path. Lanterns were hung everywhere imaginable, most likely for my appearance. Though I was reluctant to go anywhere but home, the driver helped me out of the carriage once more.

Before I had time to truly take anything in, I noticed a short and shadowed figure standing in the doorway. The driver bowed and the figure nodded, allowing him to step away, whispering good luck in my ear. Suddenly, the figure stepped out from the shadows, causing me to take a step back. An aging woman with braided long, brown hair stood in front of me. She was wearing an expensive green kimono, sparkled with silver that matched her clear grey eyes.

"My stepson is in waiting for you," she spoke as though in a hurry. "I am pleased to see you are above average in looks, though your eyes seem too large for your face." She said in a snap.

I touched my face self-consciously.

"Aa," I said quickly, but clenched a fist in reflex.

"You really are lucky your family has money." The woman said quickly and drew me inside. Flowers scattered the large tatami room and it smelt like real lavender. Though the scent reminded me of my mother, I didn't have to dwell on it. The Shinto priest stood awaiting my presence and gave me a silent nod.

I stood, unsure of what to do, but frozen completely when I got my first glance at the groom. He was sitting, but stood immediately as he saw me. He was a good six inches taller than me and I was startled as I saw just how handsome. He smiled and it caught me completely off guard. I took a step forward and it was then that I tripped on the fabric of my kimono. His stepmother caught me by the elbow and shot me a glare.

Cheeks flaming, I bowed in front of my 'almost husband.' He returned it and our eyes met again. His were a deep blue that matched my own, and his neat black hair fell carefully into place the moment he tilted his head with a smile.

I felt dumb, but could only stare. Before Soujirou, the only experience I'd had with the opposite sex were the few, bratty young men my father often trained at the dojo. And none of them were as nice to look at as him. Though Soujirou was so slim and quiet, it seemed to me that he was almost… normal. He wasn't the burly, arrogant man I'd had nightmares about. Instead, Soujirou appeared quite…simple.

And yet the moment he smiled, I saw something I wish I hadn't. There was loneliness, a quiet desire for some sort of emotion that I didn't want to give him. An emotion I_ couldn't_ give him. I tore my eyes away and instead focused on the Shinto priest. We left the room together for a moment as he prepared, but were careful not to speak.

The Shinto cleansed and blessed the 4 corners of the room and while we stood, began covering the floor with rice paper. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears as Soujirou and I knelt before him, and softly, the Shinto began to recite prayers. This was it, I thought. It was happening, and there was no turning back.

I bit my lower lip and my hands trembled. The priest set a smooth, white lacquered cup in my hands and I nearly spilt sake all over the floor with my trembling. Soujirou, spying me from the corner of his eye, gave a gentle smile. I knew it was to reassure me, but instead, I felt a cold chill run through my body. All of a sudden, I couldn't hear what the priest was saying. I was going through the motions again, and felt myself sinking into the floor.

Together, Soujirou and I sipped of the three lacquered cups to symbolize luck and happiness and to finally solemnize the marriage. The priest said a few more words and it was over.

Just like that, done.

I set down the last cup and bowed my head from Soujirou, hoping he didn't want to do anything as silly as kissing me.

"Let us leave the two in peace." The Shinto bowed and left the room. Soujirou's stepmother gave us both a dark look and followed the Shinto out, leaving me sitting awkwardly on the floor next to my new husband.

I kept my head down and bit my lips together. The wedding wasn't anything near what I'd dreamed of as a child. No bounty of food and flowers, no celebration, no parents… no love. I clenched my hands together to keep from fuming out loud.

"Kaoru," a warm pressure on my shoulder shocked me out of my daze.

Quickly, I turned and found Soujirou standing, eyes-closed, smiling down at me.

"Come. I will show you the house." He extended his hand for me and I stared at it for a moment before letting him help me to my feet.

I let his hand go immediately afterward, but he didn't seem to notice how eager I was to get away from him. Soujirou walked ahead of me in strides longer than my own and I tried to move quickly in the kimono to catch up to him. He didn't seem to be used to the presence of the opposite sex either, I noted bitterly.

"Oof!" Soujirou stopped abruptly and I ran into his back. My cheeks burned red with embarrassment, but at the same time I seized up, afraid of a physical reaction.

"Gomen Soujirou-sama!" I cried, hiding my face from his. He looked me over as if puzzled, and then smiled, closing his eyes again.

"Such formalities!" He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, and chuckled. "Soujirou is fine, Kaoru-chan."

I bristled a little at the familiar tone he chose to adopt with me, but at the risk of offending, took his hand as he offered it once more. Quiet settled in again, but some reason, the heavy feeling in my heart began to lift. The sensations were scaring me, but being in the mansion gave me an inexplicable feeling of comfort.

_No_, I fought to regain myself. _I don't want to be here. I want to go back home. I can't believe my parents would do this to me! I've never even met this man before!_

"A-a," I managed to stammer out as Soujirou lead me farther back into the mansion. We passed through yet another seating area before finally coming to a pause before a large garden area. Through a half open shoji I could spy an enormous pond of fish, several patches of lilies and other exotic flowers, and one large sakura tree, shedding its beautiful pink blossoms. Though the door was half spread, I longed to step through and see the whole thing.

"Would you like to go outside?" Soujirou gestured with his free hand. He started to touch my shoulder, but I shifted away.

"N-no." I stammered out the lie. Tough I was desperate to see more, there was no way I could enjoy it… with him.

For a moment, Soujirou eyed me curiously, but then shrugged to himself. I was thankful. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a pushy man. Together, we went through the rest of the rooms – dining, tearoom, and another sitting before stepping into a dim hallway towards the back of the mansion. I held my breath as he lit a candle on the wall and slid back the shoji.

_The bedroom. _

I knew it was coming, but at the same time, didn't want to face the reality.

"This is _our_ room." Soujirou placed a hand on the small of my back before I could move away and guided me inside.

It was exceptionally large, but I could hardly pay attention to any of the furnishings. Only one thing caught my eye.

"If you don't like the way it looks," Soujirou sounded a bit awkward as I stood without speaking. "Feel free to redecorate."

I barely heard him. Hands folded in front of me; I could only stare dumbly at the single futon. The top sheets were blue and strangely, made me wish I were home, back where my sheets were just plain white. I wrung my hands a little and nodded stiffly.

"Well…" Soujirou cleared his throat. "Ah… selections of kimonos have been purchased for you. They are in this closet." He took wide steps around me and opened the large closet to my left. At seeing the wide array of clothing, I couldn't restrain my gasp. There were even shoes, parasols, fans and other accessories. Some of the styles of clothing I had never seen in my life, and many I'd only heard about from other girls gossip of Europe and America.

"Th-thank you." I managed to choke. Soujirou hung his head for a moment, and then looked back up at me. He still hand a smile on his lips, but it was strange. The more I stared, the more I found it hard to look at.

"S-soujirou-sama?" I slipped back into the comfortable honorific.

"I'm sorry, you know." His voice was quiet. "For all of this."

I furrowed my brow, waiting for an explanation, but nothing came. Instead, Soujirou lit another candle on a chest of drawers without speaking and made his leave. I looked away, feeling guilty, but said nothing as Soujirou exited.

It was getting late. I fastened the wire latch on the door as soon as he shut it, and leaned up against the unfamiliar walls. I was alone at last, but it wasn't the feeling I'd longed for. Standing there in the dim, empty bedroom, still fastened tightly into my wedding kimono, loneliness began to settle in. And as horrified as I was, something inside told me that I wasn't the only one going through shock. Soujirou hadn't had much choice in the matter either. It was no secret we were only wed for money and in hopes that I would bear his son to become heir to both fortunes – his rice business, and the Kamiya family fishing industry.

We were in the same situation…only it seemed Soujirou was actually trying to make the best of things. Clutching my hands over my breast, I glanced at the futon.

"I just can't do this."

* * *

**A/N:** Omg it's… the same story again! Lol, reading it over I realized just how bad this thing was, but hey, it was years ago, and I love seeing all the supportive comments and even criticisms from you guys. You're the people who have helped me grow as a writer, and I can't even express how grateful and lucky I feel have people like you who think I'm doing something right! Anyway, I felt like I owed people a better, edited (and better researched) version of this story, so I hope you enjoy it all over again!


	2. Disaster bringing Daisies

Title: Bearing Blue

Chapter two: Disaster-bringing Daisies

* * *

I looked around the empty kitchen in silence, lost. Starting off the morning in a strange house was bad enough, but having not a clue what kind of breakfast to fix for my "husband" was even worse. I let my head loll against the counter and closed my eyes, almost falling asleep. I hadn't gotten much rest the night before; I was far too weary of Soujirou. Though I'd felt more secure with the door locked, I spent most of the night tossing and turning in the futon, aware of every strange sound and movement in the empty mansion. It had to be early morning when the door was unlatched from the outside, and it was then I realized my attempts to be alone were futile.

_He probably has a key to everywhere._ I mused, grumpily.

It was his house, after all.

Still, when Soujirou finally came in from whatever he had been doing for hours, I did my best to pretend I was asleep. He was very quiet around me, gently pulling the sheets over my shoulders. It bothered me that Soujirou was so careful, because I wasn't sure why. Every movement he made was swift, calculated, reflected his polite demeanor. It was to the point where I could almost feel his eerie smile ghosting over my body. At that moment, everything put me on edge.

However, nothing frightened me more than feeling Soujirou dip down to my side and brush the hair from my eyes, tucking it gently behind my ear. Though his fingers were calloused and slightly rough, the soft touch made my heart race. I was completely on edge as Soujirou slipped under the sheets beside me, but glad when he didn't face or try to touch me again.

"Good morning," A smooth and gentle voice disturbed my short-lived slumber on the kitchen counter.

Soujirou smiled easily as he came in, his hair damp from his bath.

_Bath…_

My cheeks burned red as I shrank back, remembering my duties as a wife. I woke late and hadn't prepared his bath, and breakfast hadn't even been started.

"I-I'm sorry your breakfast isn't made. I couldn't…I didn't know where everything was!" I bowed my head, praying frantically that no strike would come. Men were skilled at playing nice when other were around, but I was sure Soujirou's true nature would be exposed soon.

But hen no hit or loud angry yells came, I lifted my head in shock. Soujirou eyed me with amusement, silly smile still glued to his lips.

"I'll be sure to label the cabinet for you. I don't have servants here anymore as you may be used to but… Today don't worry about breakfast being made. It was arranged for us to have a light brunch with some of my friends. Is that okay?" He leaned in a little with wide eyes, as if checking to see if I was all right.

I tore my gaze from his and nodded, too embarrassed to speak.

"Okay. We'll leave as soon as you're ready, but…" Soujirou scratched his neck in the same awkward motion as he'd made last night. I made a swift moment for the open hallway, but he grabbed my arm at the last moment. I knew he wanted to comment on my behavior, but I wouldn't make an effort to listen.

"S-stop." I whispered. "Please, it hurts." I lied well, eyes wide with fear.

Soujirou dropped my wrist immediately and stared at his empty palm in what seemed to be disbelief. I wanted to be proud of my subtle deceit, but instead felt strangely sick at seeing the same, strange smile on Sojirou's lips.

"My…my mistake," he forced a chuckle. "I suppose I don't know my own strength."

"S-soujirou-sama," I hid my eyes, but tried to reach out for him. Soujirou waved me off and gave another little laugh.

"It wasn't my intention to cause you fear." He spoke quickly and left the room.

My conscience told me I should apologize for being so stupid, but I held back and headed for the bedroom again. Maybe it wasn't bad that there was already so much distance between the two of us. It was what I wanted from the beginning, and I was getting it quickly.

Without lingering, I picked out the first kimono I saw and threw it on in a hurry, scared that the door would open as I was dressing. It was pale pink with red rose petals leading across the obi as if blown there by the wind. Although the kimono was gorgeous, I couldn't be bothered with an intricate hairdo. Megumi was always the one who fixed things like those for me. So quickly, I brushed out my hair into a high ponytail and tied it with a red ribbon, the way I'd often done when I was younger. Shorter, messier strands fell out to frame my face, but I wasn't bothered. A touch of pink rouge on my lips was enough for me to finish just before there was a soft rap against the wooden shoji frame.

"Are you decent?" Souirou called through the sliding door. I scooted away from the mirror and into a far corner, away from his voice.

"N-not yet," my voice trembled as I lied.

I heard Soujirou sigh from outside, and then before I could stop him; he opened the door, startling me.

"I think we have potential to live together in peace, Kaoru." His tone was firm, but strangely gentle at the same time. I hung my head in shame.

"What are you scared of? What is it that you think of me?" He smiled that same sorrowful smile of his and I shook my head.

It wasn't like me to be scared all the time. I missed being the girl who was spontaneous, loud and a little unruly, but always laughing. It bothered me that one person could make me so uncomfortable.

"I don't know what to think of you!" I spat out, much louder than I had originally intended. It was rude, I knew, but Soujirou seemed strangely unaffected. He just gave a little nod and folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't have too much experience with women," he chuckled. "I've never been too interested in romancing anyone, but what I am interested in is respecting you, caring for you, and loving you to the best of my ability." Soujirou was a little stiff as he spoke, but through the awkwardness I saw sincerity.

"At any rate, I'll let you finish." He smiled again, bowed, and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

* * *

The restaurant we went to for brunch was very extravagant. Overly extravagant. We sat at a table on the elevated portion of the building outside with colorful and expensive looking lanterns and fans on every table. I had expected Soujirou and I to be seated together, but instead he sat at a table with two other men who I can only describe as a red head and a stoic.

I had the_ pleasure_ of being seated with their wives. Both were poised and magnificent, their hair twisted in braided buns that looked as if they wouldn't move for anything. The taller one sat extraordinarily straight, wearing a kimono of rich purple silk and white trimming. The sleeves were short as of a traditional married woman's kimono, and I couldn't help but notice how graceful her hands looked as she held her teacup.

"Hello…my name is Himura Tomoe…the wife of Himura Kenshin. He is the one with the red hair." The taller one smiled, her ruby red lips curving into a devilish smile. I paled visibly.

"Hmph…and I am Shinomori Misao…Aoshi's wife. He's the tall one." The shorter one giggled quietly into her hand, her blue and pink kimono fluttering slightly. Tomoe lifted her fan elegantly and gave Misao a rap on the shoulder.

"Behave," she snapped, and then turned to me.

"You'll have to excuse my dear sister…she's quite a child. She's only twenty. You know…" Tomoe raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm nineteen. A few weeks from twenty." I whispered meekly, blushing. Tomoe snapped her fan back together and smiled again, her pale, powdered face forming for some sort of mockery and feigned surprise. Misao seemed to delight at my uncomfortable state. She perked up as if she was an excited little…weasel.

"Oh…I had no idea. Soujirou is quite a deal older, but we can't all be lucky enough to have our families consider age difference." She narrowed her eyes slightly. I let mine wander to the table across from us. Soujirou was smiling politely and talking quietly with the others. He didn't look _that_ much older than me.

"Yeah, sometimes it's all about status, right Kamiya-san?" Misao smirked and unsnapped her fan, a pink one with bursts of purple flowers.

I said nothing, just looked down at my hands. I knew my late marriage was shameful, but I didn't expect anyone to be so blunt about it – especially women.

"So five years, huh?" Misao started up again. "I think Seta-san is 25…26ish. Five years is a lot of time. Time for experience. Especially in lovemaking…"She giggled.

"Oh yes…I can't recall seeing Seta-san out with the ladies very often, but it doesn't matter…those five years are experience." Tomoe's grin was wicked. "Oh but… I'm sure he's satisfied with what you've given him."

"I…we…we haven't been intimate." I blushed and snapped open my own fan, nearly tipping over my glass of ice water. Misao chuckled affectedly. I fanned myself lightly to cool my warming cheeks.

"But you were married yesterday…you're supposed to consummate the marriage!" Misao exclaimed as if she were an expert on the situation. "Aoshi and I have been together for three already, and we—

"—what Misao means is, last would have been brilliant to begin copulation. You must bring forth a son you know. My dear Kenji is turning three tomorrow." Tomoe took a sip of ice water. Misao followed suit. Soujirou gave me a worried glance from his table as I began getting hot.

"Oh…that's very nice. How old might you be?" I asked, ignoring how rude that sounded. Misao burst into light giggles. Tomoe gave me a sideways glare, and then rapped Misao on the shoulder again.

"My dear girl…that is nothing for you to worry about. But I was married at an acceptable age. Hmm…I just believe if you get married at anything older than 16…it reflects a something gone sour in the fruit of the family tree, if you know what I mean..." Tomoe whispered cockily.

"Excuse me!" I raised my voice hotly, snapping my fan closed. Soujirou gave me a hasty look and Tomoe blushed as other heads turned.

"I will not sit here and sip cold water on a lovely spring day while you criticize my family and I, of whom you know nothing about." I lowered my voice as I saw the disappointment in Soujirou's eyes.

The crowd around us turned and gave me dirty looks. Some men chuckled in disgust. I had not only dishonored myself, but Soujirou as well. Misao and Tomoe sipped their water at the same time and grinned, raising their eyebrows.

"Ta-ta." They said simultaneously.

"You're terrible," I whispered with tears in my eyes and rushed away, Soujirou in tow. I stopped suddenly at the roadside and lifted the edges of my kimono, getting into the carriage. Soujirou waited patiently and said nothing as he entered behind me. We sat in silence together for a long while before I finally broke.

"I'm terribly sorry! I just…I wasn't raised like that…I never knew people so rude!" I snapped, but then remembered that they were the wives of Soujirou's friends.

"I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry." I whispered apologetically. He retied the loose ribbon in my hair and I stiffened at the informal touch. He seemed to notice and put his hands down.

"Don't be. I admit the ladies are a bit pretentious…they get used to the money." Soujirou nodded at the driver and we started back towards home. I shifted uncomfortably by the window, willing Soujirou away from me. I couldn't help feel he was too close. I guess he took the hint and moved away after a little bit.

"I knew when I met you … you're a different kind of woman, Kaoru-chan." Soujirou smiled thoughtfully, staring out the window opposite of me. I clenched my fists nervously, and then turned towards him.

"Are you enjoying this?" I whispered. Soujirou looked genuinely puzzled, but smiled nonetheless.

"This? This what?"

"Seeing me miserable." My temper began to rise. How could he sit there…just smiling? That smile, it drove me insane! It wasn't happy…just…taunting! The carriage stopped and Soujirou got out first, and then stuck out a hand to help me. I pretended not to see it and got out on the other side with my head held high.

As soon as I stepped down, however, I landed right into a mud puddle. The edges of my kimono were covered in brown goo. Soujirou looked as if he was stifling laughter. Gently, he lifted the long edges of the kimono out of the mud so I could walk without getting my legs wet. I blushed in total embarrassment.

"Why would I take pride in seeing you cheerless?" Soujirou shook his head. I tried to pull out of his hold, but his grip was firm. "Don't you think I know this is difficult?"

'_Then can't we divorce?'_ I thought to myself, but knew that it would be instant shame and dishonor to have such a thing done. We were married together for a reason…for the family fortunes.

"It's not fair!" I yelled and picked up my kimono as I hobbled inside. As quickly as I could manage in the restricting dress, I hurried to the bedroom and locked the door. In a matter of minutes, I heard Soujirou's feet pass softly, stop, and the door opened. Soujirou held up a key.

"It's my house you know…I have a key to every room." He smirked and tucked the gold key into his shirt fold. His magnificent blue eyes glinted with amusement. I remembered my stupidity from last night and glared at the floor. Angered, I flung open the closet and began throwing down kimonos, pulling at the fabric as hard as I could.

The clothing was too expensive to tear easily, but I was happy as seams stretched and buttons popped. I continued piece by piece, hoping to get a rise out of Soujirou. I only hoped he would no longer want me. That he'd send me back home.

"I said it's not fair!" I cried. "I don't want to live here! I don't want to be your wife! I never got to choose! You're just an arrogant, spoiled, haughty bas-

"-I didn't' choose you either!" Soujirou snapped with his eyes narrowed. I quieted myself instantly, frightened. There was something about his eyes…

It was the first time I'd seen the smile fall from his face, and I felt as though I had been slapped.

"I assure you, this is just as much dissatisfaction to me as it is to you." Soujirou touched a hand to his forehead and took a short, small breath before turning on his heel.

Within an instant, his smile was back. "I'll have someone come and replace those tomorrow."

He shut the door behind himself.

I sat silent among the torn kimonos around me and felt tears trickle down my face, flushed from screaming in anger. Again, I was being selfish. I'd never acted so childish in my life. How could I have forgotten I wasn't alone in my predicament? It wasn't just I who never got the chance to fall in love…it was Soujirou as well. He had also just been tossed a partner out of thin air and forced to reside with her. And again…he was trying to make the best of things…

"I can't do this…" I whispered to myself, but the words didn't feel right as they did last night when they passed my lips. I picked up a pale white kimono that I had split down the middle and ran my fingers through the soft silk. Watermarks of purple jasmine were scattered across it. Out of the folds, fell a small piece of rice paper in which words were printed in the most gentle and beautiful calligraphy.

_For my new bride,_

_Kaoru, though you may never appreciate these gifts and material possessions as a proper dowry for what you've had to give up, I hope when you wear each kimono or open each fan, you smile because you know it came from someone who cares for your well being. I don't know you as your parents or as your friends, but we have our married lives to figure out what truly matters. It's a bit frightening for me as well…but I'll try my best. I promise to honor and respect you as we live out the rest of our lives together. _

_Yours, _

_Seta Soujirou_

* * *

AN: Omg, I just went back and reviewed the date on this story. Lol, I wrote this when I was like 13! Time flies, doesn't it?


	3. Laughter bringing Lilies

**Chapter 3: Laughter bringing Lilies**

Title: Bearing Blue

Chapter three: Laughter-bringing Lilies

* * *

I bit my lip as I ran the sewing needle through my thumb for what felt like the hundredth time. Bloodied cloths covered my left hand as I miserably tried to sew last night's ruined kimonos back together. The first one I completed was hardly successful, ending up with black stitches against green fabric, bunched up near the obi. I was on my fifth and final piece, but found it just as disappointing as the fourth, third, and second.

'_Oh well,_' I sighed out in thought. At least this time I'd gotten the colors right and managed not to drip blood on the fabric.

I should have known Soujirou wouldn't come to bed last night. I assumed that he stayed up to work on something in his office, as far away from me as humanly possible. I could only feel deep regret for the pain I had caused him. All I had been thinking about was myself. Now it was time for him. I bit the string on the needle and tied it off in a bow, hiding the stitches with another trail of green fabric. I piled them up in my arms and picked out the most decent looking one and put it on. It was bunched up terribly in the back, revealing my calves, but I didn't mind; it was easier to walk in anyway.

Humming a little for comfort's sake, I made my way into the hallway and heard water gently splashing from the bathroom.

_'Damn it.'_

I'd forgotten to heat and prepare the ofuro once again, but figured that by now, Soujirou expected the disobedience. Quickly, I slipped past the door and came upon the kitchen. Since yesterday, Soujirou had labeled all of the cupboards with amazing accuracy.

"Just as he promised," I sighed, full of guilt.

Still, it was time to stop. Over the past few months, I had become a shadow of my former self. Weak, crying, childish… but it was all about to end. Despite how much it enraged me to have my life controlled, I would work hard – just as I knew my parents wanted me to.

I knew if they had seen my behavior, they would be ashamed. So, I would make up for it all by being as ladylike as I could. First thing first was breakfast. Although I'd taken cooking classes back home with Megumi, I could hardly remember any of the technique. I knew I should make miso soup and at least rice, so I started there.

Although I wasn't sure of the correct proportions, I scraped out a few spoonfulls of prepared miso paste into a pot of water. As I set it to boil, I tossed a handful of rice into another pot on the stove. I knew Megumi would have scolded me for not washing it, but I didn't have the time.

While both pots worked their way to a boil, I took a peek back down the hallway to the bathroom. At that moment, I was thankful that Soujirou seemed to be one for long baths. When the water in both pots finally came to a boil, I found the miso soup to be pale. I knew it was missing something, but couldn't remember what. Anchovy? Dashi? Mirin? I touched a finger to my lip as I stared at the labeled glass bottles on the shelf over my head. Shrugging, I grabbed the mirin and poured in a generous amount.

"Something else…" I walked around the back of the kitchen area and lifted the lid of a large chest filled with ice. There were a few old prepared meals and vegetables, but I found what I was looking for – tofu. Still a little solid in the middle, I brought it back to the kitchen, cut it into two large blocks and let it thaw out in the soup.

When I turned back to the rice, I found the water had boiled down around the grains and a slight burnt smell was already emanating from the bottom. Swearing softly, I dashed a bit more water in, and then as an afterthought, a handful of salt.

All of a sudden, I heard the loud sound of the wooden cover being slid into place over the ofuro and turned up the fire underneath the rice. The miso was done, so I quickly prepared a bowl. Just as Soujirou passed the kitchen, I placed the empty pan against the wall for later washing.

"Goodmorning Soujirou-sama." I bowed politely.

Soujirou gave me a slightly quivering smile, but then returned the bow. I could smell the scent of expensive soaps on him, and his skin was flushed a light pink from the bathwater. I hated to think it, but standing there alone with Soujirou, staring at his smiling face and the noticeable way his jinbei gaped open at the chest, he looked quite…

"Is something…burning?" Soujirou asked softly, peeking around me. I shook out of my daze, but continued to stand in front of the doorway to block his view inside.

"Burning?" I smiled wide. "No! I've just…I've made breakfast so…so if you'd like to wait in the dining area for me to bring it…"

Soujirou seemed suspicious now, but his smile never wavered. He ran a hand through his damp hair, ruffling it a little, and then turned his back on me.

"As you wish," he said simply, and headed off down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief but not for long. I could hear the sizzling of the rice pot on the stone stove and knew the water had burned down again.

As quickly as I could, I salvaged a few scoops of the off-white rice and plated it along with the milky looking miso. When I finally made it into the sitting room, Soujirou had his feet under the kotatsu, sitting back, reading the newspaper. Even though he hardly looked his age to begin with, I couldn't help but think he seemed strangely young in such a relaxed position. As soon as he noticed my presence, however, he straightened up.

"Kaoru-chan," he smiled, being familiar again. I tried not to bristle as I lowered myself shakily to my knees and presented him with the scant tray of food.

"This is for you." I blurted while bowing my head. "I'm not the world's greatest chef, but I am sorry for ripping the kimonos last night and yelling. It was childish but I…I sewed them all up and I read your note. I'm sorry, Soujirou-sama. So sorry." I took a deep breath and sighed out after the fast speech.

Soujirou bir his lips together and stifled what sounded to be a loud burst of laughter. I kept my head down to stop myself from glaring.

"Again with the formality?" He pushed the newspaper out of the way and leaned over the breakfast curiously. "Your apology is accepted Kaoru…but really, you don't have to wear that kimono. I've already placed an order for several more." Soujirou smiled sheepishly. I bit my lip.

" I don't deserve your gratitude." I sulked softly.

"Maa…Maa…" Soujirou smiled brightly and took the plate from my hands, setting it on the counter. "Your depression was quite understandable. I lost my temper last night but Kaoru…. I, too, was in much distress when I learnt I had to be married." His eyes seemed to darken briefly, but it was gone before I could blink.

"What made you change your disposition?" I asked, my blush subsiding.

"When I first saw you, I admit I only thought that you were a pretty face. But when we sipped of the lacquered cups together and you sat with your back straight and your gaze steady straight ahead, I knew you were strong. Scared, yes, but…but somehow I could sense that strength, and knew everything would be alright." Soujirou picked up the bowl of miso soup and took a sip.

"Soujirou-sa…." I paused and then smiled. "That's very nice, Soujirou."

I turned to him to show my gratitude, but saw Soujirou's expression change suddenly. His face was pale, and the hand that held the miso quivered slightly.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, fearing that he was angry. Soujirou didn't speak. He just lowered his hand, face growing paler and paler.

"What's wrong with you!" I snapped. The loss of temper was sudden, and though typical of my time back with Megumi, wasn't something I wanted to showcase so freely. I covered my mouth and Soujirou swallowed.

"It's awful." He smiled through a half-grimace. I blushed in anger and embarrassment.

"I'm sure it's not that bad!" I snapped and took the bowl from in front of him. Spilling it as I snatched, I tilted the bowl to my lips and downed a full gulp. Upon swallowing, I nearly vomited. It tasted like a vile, sugary salty mix of smashed and old tofu.

Immediately, and without any care for manners, I spit up what was left in my mouth back into the bowl.

"It's_ that_ bad…no…it's worse than that bad…it's horrible." I muttered. Soujirou chuckled, and then patted my back. I shrugged away from him. Soujirou's chuckles soon turned into laughter and I fumed.

"Stop laughing!" I yelled and covered my mouth again. The urge to rage was getting to be far too much to resist.

"I'm sorry…it's just…I've never met a woman that couldn't cook." Soujirou chuckled. I reached up to smack him, but Soujirou's smile grew wider and he began to hold his sides. I'd never seen anyone react in such away about my cooking – usually I got glares and scolding.

Slowly, I lowered my hand and burst into giggles of my own.

"Stop…you're making me laugh!" I tried to chuckle politely into my hand, but the chuckles turned into loud snorts.

"I'm sorry…" Soujirou apologized once more and soon we both began to calm down.

"I never learned how to cook properly…I was always busy with other things." My laughter died down as I remembered my father's dojo.

"What were you busy with?" He whispered, as I smoothed down the front of my kimono.

"Nothing of consequence," I whispered and blushed, hiding my face. Soujirou reached out a hand to put on my shoulder, but I backed away.

"I don't want to say anymore. I'm unladylike enough already, right?" I folded my hands against my lap. Soujirou's gaze softened and he threw out the Ohagi, making his way to the sink where he began rinsing pots.

"Kaoru-chan, you shouldn't let what others say get in the way of things you love." He smiled and rolled up his sleeves. I said nothing - only blushed, ashamed.

"Don't. I'll do that. I made a mess of everything. Besides…it's my duty Soujirou." I whispered, coming to his side. I stuck my hands in the water and fished out the pot. Soujirou gently lifted them onto his own hands and I reddened visibly.

"What's this about duty? We do things together. That's how it will be." He said simply and I drew my hands away quickly, looking away from him. Soujirou scraped the burnt rice into the trash, and then scrubbed the bottom. He handed it to me and I rinsed it off, careful to get every bit of grain as he watched me, and then set it down to drain.

"You were much more warm and friendly when you were laughing." Soujirou smiled to himself, focusing on the pot of syrupy tofu and miso. I tried to ignore him, but his smooth and light voice was like a gentle breeze that had to stop and whistle into my ears, no matter which way I turned.

"I share my laugh with the selected few. With those I trust." I said quickly, unable to stop the words before they past my lips.

"I feel honored." He smiled and passed me the wet bowl.

"I didn't mean it to sound like that," I muttered, but couldn't stop a tiny smile from encroaching on my lips.

"Okay…" Soujirou closed his eyes and continued to smile in a way that I now found sort of… delightful.

I couldn't help but think that if we had met on any other circumstance…maybe I would be…attracted. Quickly, I snapped out of my daze and rinsed the last bowl. Soujirou poured a bucket of cool water across the washing area and I watched as he wiped his hands against his house clothes, little droplets of water catching against the loose, dark blue fabric. I didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I think I'd feel more comfortable if you were looking at **me** when I'm trying to talk to you." Soujirou smiled and craned his neck to see my face. I brought my head up and my face colored instantly.

"I-I...um…"

"When you first came here…I know you wanted to go outside and see the garden…" Soujirou reached into his shirt fold and pulled out the gold key from yesterday.

"I realize things are a bit strained between us at the moment, but... you should be able to go whenever you want. By yourself." He smiled and gently placed it in my hands.

"Thank you." I whispered, and then watched him dry his hands before walking back towards his office.

* * *

**AN:** Cuteness!


	4. Rapture bringing Roses

**Chapter 4: Rapture bringing Roses**

Title: Bearing Blue

Chapter four: Rapture bringing Roses

* * *

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried to squeeze my eyes shut and focus on drifting away, I remained awake. Sluggish, I turned over on my side and stared at the empty space beside me in the futon.

_'Where is he?'_ I wondered.

As much as I tried not to care about the perpetually smiling young man, it was after two in the morning and I couldn't help but find it strange that Soujirou hadn't come in yet. Night after night, week after week since we'd wed, Soujirou and I had not once gone to bed together. It wasn't though I was pining for him - hell no- , but it certainly struck me as strange. The last thing I wanted to think was that he was avoiding me. After all, that was supposed to be _my_ duty! I was the young woman in the relationship, torn from her family, expected to bear a child for a man I barely knew.

It had been exactly one month and fourteen days since I became a married woman, but I didn't know much more about Soujirou than before. He always woke first, went to bed last, and came in at all hours of the night. As heir to a busy rice business, I could only assume he had hard work to busy himself with, but it was getting to the point where I rarely ever saw his face. And even when I did, I was too self-conscious to start a proper conversation.

"Oh, Soujirou-sama…" I sighed.

Curiosity got the best of me as I crawled out of the futon. Dressed only in my white yukata and careful not to make too much noise, I draped a small quilt over my shoulders and unlocked the bedroom door. The hallway was dark and I didn't want to light a candle, so I had to grope my way until I found another door. At that point, I couldn't tell if I was in the front or back of the house anymore. I could only see the floor and the white of the ceiling.

"Soujirou?" I whispered softly as I reached a door and twisted the knob, opening it. A cool breeze of air sent a shiver up my spine from a half open window at the end of the room. It was a guest bedroom, and empty, save for a hard pillow in the middle of the tatami.

I stepped back into the darkness and shook my head. The large house was nice for looks, but how great could it be if I couldn't find my own husband inside?

"Soujirou?" I called again. Even though my voice was quiet, it seemed to echo in the empty halls. Finally, I spied another shoji, and tried to shift it open. However, instead of sliding easily, I heard the metal scratch of a lock catching.

_'Huh?'_ I squinted at the paper door in the darkness. Throughout my time in the house, I'd never noticed another locked door. Soujirou had never told me to stay out or away from anything, and this, to me, was intriguing.

"Soujirou-sama?" I called inside carefully, wondering if it was a private study. However, there was no answer.

Biting my lips together anxiously, I crept up closer. Though I knew it was a violation of Soujirou's privacy, I wanted to know what was inside. Why was everything except this room an open book? Frowning, shifted the shoji back as far as the lock would allow, and then I slipped my finger into the tiny crack. Using my strength to hold the wood back, I pushed the digit up as hard as I could until I felt the wire latch unfasten.

"Gotcha," I smiled to myself, proudly, and pushed back the door.

But instead of seeing a room full of valuables or documents, I was stunned to find that the shoji revealed not a room, but a shallow closet space. There wasn't any depth, and before me sat only an ordinary looking chest. My curiosity immediately began to dwindle, but still, I ran my fingers over the sides of the chest, searching for a crevice to slip my fingers into. There were no handles, and no visible way of lifting out each individual drawer. After a few frustrating minutes of trying, however, I found it to be of no use. The top was fastened on too tight, and it would take the likes of something thin and sharp, a knife or a dagger, to pry it off.

'_What a bother,'_ I thought, and shifted back onto my rump.

As I sat back, however, I heard the soft clatter of metal against the wooden floors.

"Oh no," I mumbled. The garden key had slipped out of the fold of my yukata, and beneath the wooden chest. Quickly, I scrambled onto my hands and knees and forced my hand into the small space to retrieve it. I could feel the cool metal under my palm, but just as I jerked back in success, a sharp pain shot through my hand

"Shit!" I cried, and then clasped both hands over my mouth. Even in the dark, I could feel the warm, sticky trail of blood making its way down my fingertips.

'…_the hell_…?' I dropped the key and inspected my hand. My index finger had been sliced across the side, clean and smooth, by something sharp.

I sat frozen, staring at the closet, breathing hard. I wanted to know what had cut me, but just as I reached forward, I heard footsteps rapidly approaching.

"Who's there?" Soujirou's voice sounded deeper than what I was used to – angrier.

Panicked, I scrambled and yanked the shoji across as fast as I could. The wooden frame made a loud sound as it bounced shut, and I scrambled back into the hall.

"I said **who's there**?" A warm glow filled the hall, and Soujirou became visible. He was in his own yukata, and holding a dish with a round candle in the middle. The soft light lit up his features oddly, and I noticed how suddenly his blue eyes appeared dark and slanted.

I remained sitting in the middle of the hall, staring blankly at my husband. As soon as our gazes locked, Soujirou's eyes widened, and a confused smile lightened his face.

"Kaoru?" he lowered himself to his knees and reached out to touch my shoulder. I was too stunned to pull back, and let him make the gesture.

"S-soujirou…sama," I shifted my bloodied hand behind me.

"Kaoru," he set down the candle on the floor and placed both hands on my shoulders. "Kaoru-chan, is everything okay? I thought I heard…I thought I heard someone _swear_."

Soujirou closed his eyes with a chuckle, and my cheeks filled with blush. It took that to bring me back to my senses.

"A-ah," I tilted my head down. "I-I tripped in the hall and…_how unladylike of me_."

Soujirou only shrugged, but I caught his eyes trail across my body to the closet door. It was open ever so slightly from where the wooden frame had bounced back.

"What were you doing out here so late?" Gingerly, he took my hands and helped me to my feet.

"I just…I was just looking for you." I said softly. It was technically the truth, but I didn't sound at all convincing.

Soujirou looked towards the door again, but then smiled.

"Looking for me?" He began to guide me back down the hall, and though I was anxious to pull away my sore hand, Soujirou kept a firm grip.

"Yes." We both paused at the open shoji as I spoke. "It's late and…and I was worried."

Even in the dim lighting, I caught the strange way Soujirou's eyes widened in shock.

"Worried?" He finally dropped my hands and scratched the back of his neck. "About…me?"

"I…" I couldn't finish the statement, so slid my gaze awkwardly across the floor.

Soujirou gave another nod, as if he understood.

I hid my face again. We'd been together a month, but still; Soujirou was taken aback by my show of affection. Honestly, I was surprised by it as well. Although I did worry about Soujirou, I'd never once admitted it – not even to myself.

He smiled simply and walked me into the bedroom.

"Would you like me to stay?" Soujirou asked.

"I…I—you don't have to," I said, and crawled back into the futon. I thought Soujirou would leave immediately, but instead, he closed the door and sat leaning on the wall beside me.

"Soujirou-sama….your work…" I

"I do wish you'd reign in the formalities. It's been a month, hasn't it?" Soujirou gave me a sheepish smile, but I couldn't take my mind off the strange, sharp object beneath the chest locked away in the hall closet.

"Mn." I only made a quiet noise in my throat.

"At any rate," Soujirou leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. "I was only doing a bit of reading."

I lowered myself down on the futon and watched as Soujirou patted his mouth as he yawned. I wanted to bring up the subject of the chest, but stopped myself. If I asked any questions, he'd know I was snooping, and I wasn't sure how he would react. If his eyes earlier were any indication, it wouldn't be all smiles and sunshine.

"Relax, Kaoru-chan." Soujirou's warm voice filled the room again and I stiffened under the sheets.

'_How could he tell I was awake?'_ I clutched my injured hand to my chest. It had stopped bleeding, but I could still feel the stickiness of blood on my fingertips.

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," I could hear Soujirou's smile. "Just…relax."

'_Relax?'_ I thought, drowsily. _'Easy for you to say.'_

* * *

"Kaooouuuruuu chaaann…"

A smooth, soft voice crooned my name. Half-asleep, I let a smile play on my lips as I rolled over, away from the sound.

"Megumi…" I mumbled. "Not yet…"

"Kaoru-chan..."

The voice became clearer, and was followed up by a deep chuckle.

My eyes snapped open and I immediately remembered my surroundings. It was Soujirou. He was on his knees beside me, smiling, and touching my shoulder gently. I knew I had to be beet red when our gazes met.

"Sorry to be intrusive, Kaoru-chan, but I thought I should wake you now. It's noon."

"Noon?" I shot up in the futon, flushed and embarrassed. I'd let the entire day go by without doing any of my duties. There was still laundry, shopping, cleaning, and for what seemed like the thousandth time, I'd forgotten to prepare Souirou's bath.

"Oh Soujirou-sama…" I began to apologize, but Soujirou pressed two fingers to my lips to silence me. It worked instantly, stunning me and rendering me unable to speak.

At once, I realized just how close we were to one another – Soujioru in his gi and hakama, me in my light yukata, the front gaping slightly from where it hadn't been secured properly. I wrapped both arms around my chest for coverage, but Souirou just smiled. Nothing seemed to faze him.

"Soujirou-sama…soujirou-sama…" he teased, leaning in to whisper in my ear. "I'm sure many a man would enjoy such devotion, but to me it sounds strange."

He pulled away and removed his fingers from my lips. As I sat, unsure of what to say, he placed those same two fingers beneath my chin and tilted my head up so that I couldn't look away.

"Don't you think it sounds strange, Kaoru-chan? Hn?" he leaned in a little closer and I could feel his breath on my upper lip.

"A-a…aa," I managed. "Yes, Soujirou…sa…soujirou."

"Good." He dropped his hands completely and stood, leaving me staring into space.

"Well, I thought we could do today's shopping together. I'm light on work, and we really haven't spent much time together as a couple, have we?" Soujirou asked.

"No, you're right..." I blinked to clear the sleep from my eyes, and then stood up, bending to fold away the futon.

He really was right. A month together and the most I'd seen my husband was over silent dinners of charred salmon and oversalted miso. After that, Soujirou would retire to his study and I'd busy myself with mundane cleaning tasks that usually left me doing more napping than organizing.

"Thank you for waking m…" I turned to Soujirou as I stood back up, just in time to catch Soujirou tilt his head back up from staring.

"You're welcome." His ears pinkened and I pretended not to notice. '_Men…'_

Although I knew it was unbecoming, I couldn't help but cross my arms against my chest as I sulked away into the bathroom. I could remember a time I thought it was funny or delightful when men became flustered at my presence, but somehow with Soujirou, even though he was my husband, it irked me. Deep down, despite trying to make the best of things, I was still unsatisfied with the situation.

I wiped condensation from the standing mirror and sighed as I saw my reflection. I looked tired. The bright, happy go lucky expressions that used to fill my face were no longer there. There was nothing but a scared and feeble housewife. It disgusted me, and I had turn away. When I looked to the ofuro, I saw that the wooden lid had already been pulled back, and the water was clean and still hot. I blushed, ashamed, thinking of Soujirou with his sleeves rolled, preparing it for me.

The least I could do was not keep him waiting. As quickly as I could, I scrubbed myself outside the bath and gave myself a brief soak in the water. In my haste, I neglected to dry myself upon exiting, and instead went straight for my yukata. When I pulled on the thin, white fabric, it clung to my body and became see-through. Before entering the room again, I made sure to peek and make Soujirou was absent before tiptoeing in.

Lightening speed, I picked out a new kimono and tied myself in. It was blue with white and pink flowers on the obi. Soujirou knocked twice on the shoji frame and I opened it just as I was putting up my hair. I gave him a polite smile and he returned it quickly, as if surprised by my graciousness.

"Blue is your color," he said pointedly. "It really brings out your eyes."

"Thank you," I blushed.

We slipped into a comfortable silence and wasted no time making our way outside together. Soujirou began to lead me up the road to a waiting carriage, when I stopped him.

"Could we… walk?" I asked. "It's very nice out…."

Soujirou looked at me with a little shock, but then smiled. I imagined I must have sounded like a country bumpkin – a woman of wealth such as I wanting to walk to the market – but as horrible as it was, the less time I spent in close quarters with Soujirou, the better.

"Of course," he said simply and took his hand into mine as we walked. After the night before, I expected to feel frightened at the gesture, but instead a calm spread through me. It was strange, I thought. How someone so foreign to me could have such an effect on my mood.

Just as I began to shift a little closer to Soujirou, a carriage pulled up beside us and I shuddered as I saw who was inside. Tomoe and Misao pulled back the lace curtain at the side window and smirked at me.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Seta," Misao called, but waved at Soujirou instead of the both of us.

Though Soujioru often kept meetings with Shinomori and Himura-san, I hadn't had the "pleasure" of seeing the two troublemaker wives since our first meeting. Instead, however, I had been subjected to endure the rumors they'd spread about my marriage all across the small town. Whispering about my upbringing, my looks, and most embarrassingly, what went – or rather, what didn't – go on between Soujirou and I in bed.

"Hello Misao…Tomoe." Soujirou bowed, and I followed suit, though reluctantly. Tomoe leaned out the window with a careful smile.

"Though it's a beautiful day, I'm surprised to see you two walking. It's not a good idea for a pregnant woman to take on such rough roads! When will you be showing Kaoru-chan?" She asked. Her voice was sweet and innocent, but even Soujirou bristled at the malicious implication.

I kept my head down and bit my tongue. Back at home, I would have let her have more than a few good words, but after all Soujioru had done for me, I wasn't about to shame him in the middle of the street.

"I'm…"

"You're quite right, Tomoe." Soujirou cut me off. "However, it's also not a good idea for two high class women such as yourselves disgrace the family name by shouting rudely from a carriage. Am I wrong?"

Tomoe and Misao glanced at each other in shock. They blushed, unable to speak. Even I was taken aback by the snide comment.

"Am I wrong?" Soujirou's voice was stern, but a smile graced his lips.

"No, Seta-san." They chorused in embarrassment, and poked their heads back into the carriage.

"You two should find something constructive to do, like the two of us. I'm sure your husbands would be delighted," Soujirou took my hand a little tighter, and I only smiled as Misao and Tomoe seemed to fade farther back into the carriage.

"Y-yes. G-good day." They stuttered and took off.

I giggled quietly into my hand, amused by Soujirou's simple words.

"They'll forever torture me," I sighed.

"Don't worry," Soujirou took the basket from my hands and guided me towards a set of vegetable stalls. "As long as I'm around, you'll be safe from their arrogance."

Strangely enough, I trusted him. Yet, something heavy still weighed on my mind. A silence settled between the two that I broke with a small voice.

"Soujirou?" I whispered. Soujirou smiled and looked down at me.

"Yes?"

"Do you desire a child from me?" I asked seriously, watching the slightest blush creep into his cheeks.

"I do not desire anything that you're not willing to give." Soujirou gave a smile answer, but I stared at him intently. It bothered me that he was able to give such short answers that simply dodged the subject.

Soujirou started to turn his attention back to a cart of ripe tomatoes, but I gripped his sleeve with a firm hand.

"Soujirou, we both know that society has imposed upon us an obvious…task," I struggled.

I had never been intimate with a man, never even gone out on a date, but even I knew what was expected of Soujirou and I as husband and wife. And still, Soujioru had never made so much as a pass at me. There were soft, lingering looks and smiles, but he never once demanded sex the way I feared, or even made a move to touch me in bed.

"Is that right?" Soujirou's voice was teasing, and I had to fight to keep a look of anger from crossing my features. Yet from the way he smiled, he was well aware he was riling me up.

"Well, if you'd like to fulfill that '_task_'," he mocked my poor choice of words. "Let me know whenever you like. I don't usually have qualms about getting down to that sort of work."

"Mou!" I couldn't help the exclamation that bubbled up within me. "Soujirou-sama, _please_!"

"Kaoru-chan…" Soujirou had a good chuckle at my expense, but then leaned in with a kind smile. "Relax."

"How can you tell me to relax?" I blurted, forgetting myself. "I'm sorry, but just how can you be so calm about all this?"

"Kaoru-chan," Soujirou picked out a few tomatoes absentmindedly and set them inside the basket. "The way I see things, a woman is like a rosebush – delicate yet biting. And all these women, these rosebushes, have a flower that they grow with, this special bud that it choses to do with as it pleases. To nurture until full bloom, to share, or in some cases… to let scatter away with the wind."

I stared in silence as Soujirou spoke. He continued without looking at me, instead focusing on each piece of produce – handling them gently.

"It's always up to a rosebush to decide when to give away its flower…its rose… that thing that is part of its body and spirit," Soujirou finally paused to look at me. "You see, the rosebush may give away its flower at anytime, but if it is to the wrong person…the thorn will surely pursue with a bite. Sooner or later, a rosebush will end up giving away a flower at one point in its life…but again, it is only up to nature, and the rosebush to decide when." Soujirou gave me a faint smile that made me blush.

"I want to hold onto my flower." I whispered, my cheeks reddening further.

"That is quite alright with me, my rosebush." Soujirou said affectionately, squeezing my shoulder. I didn't bother to resist from the touch, for at that moment, it felt almost…right. It almost made me forget about what I had seen in his closet the other night…almost.

Soujirou turned away from me to look at prices for daikon, but I was still thinking on his words. A little timid, I touched his arm again.

"But…if a woman is a rosebush…what, pray tell, is a man?" I smirked. Soujirou blushed a little.

"Ah…that's a bit more complicated." He said quietly against my ear. I shivered and turned from him, pretending to look at candies as I blushed. Soujirou picked up the groceries and joined me near the sweets.

"Do you like anything?" He asked, watching me stare at the chocolates. I blushed. I was used to spending my allowance on frivolous things when I was younger, but didn't feel as though it was right to put Soujirou out.

"N-no. It's all so expensive." I looked away, and then up at Soujirou, who looked at the varieties.

"We'll take two of each selection," He smiled casually at the woman behind the cases of candy. She seemed ecstatic as he laid the money down and I swallowed hard. There were at least twenty different selections of candy, from toffee to several varieties of kompeito.

"Don't. It's too much," I whispered, tugging on his sleeve. Soujirou only ignored me and carried the large bag of candies at his side. I looked down, feeling strange. Many women would have dreamt of the kind of treatment I'd been given, but though Soujirou was willing to shower me with things, I still felt empty. I wondered, quietly, if he was trying to buy my affections.

"Thank you," I whispered meekly. Soujirou gave me a bright smile and I closed my eyes.

"Soujirou-sama I…I think I'm going to take a peek at the kimono over there for a moment," I said quickly. Soujioru started to come with me, but with a reassuring smile, I waved him off.

"I'll be right back!" I stepped away quickly and though Soujirou seemed unsure, I welcomed the distance. Once I had trekked a little further into the crowds of people doing their shopping, I breathed out in relief.

Avoidance was becoming second nature for me. However, Just as I began to enjoy my independence by working down a side street, I felt myself being dragged backward.

"What? Ah!" I shouted and opened my eyes to meet dark green ones. A man with dark brown hair had me pinned up against a street wall and his hands moved against the folds of my kimono. At first I thought he wanted my money, but he was firm in trying to drag me to the ground.

"Stop it, you bastard!" I yelled as I felt his hands groping at my skin, touching my breasts.

"Wow, wow," his deep voice assaulted my ears. "Fiesty."

With both hands, the man forced me to my knees. Yet, instead of going stiff with shock, I raged. The anger that had been building in me for months bubbled up to a boiling point, and I let out a shrill yell. The man lunged to silence me, but somehow I was able to react first. His hand swiped at my neck and I swung my leg up as hard as I could, tearing through the fabric of my kimono. The man, though tall, was quite lanky, and stumbled back in shock.

"Bitch!" He spat, and came back at me, lightening fast.

Panicked and backed into a corner, I grabbed for the first thing I saw – a broken broomstick tossed behind a pile of garbage. Though my heart raced with fear, I channeled my father – the man who had, though reluctantly, trained me, in addition to the students at our dojo.

"What do you think you're doing!" he charged at me with all his might, but I remained focused. Keeping a firm hold on my makeshift bokken, I twisted out of his way and brought it down hard between his shoulder blades. The man collapsed instantly, onto his face. Though he wasn't moving, I lifted it again and screamed.

"Don't you touch me!" I swung it down again hard, cracking the wood against his skull. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

As I braced myself to make another strong hit, a pair of strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and stilled any movement. I started to scream again, but the familiar smell of fresh pine and sandalwood sparked my memory.

"S-soujioru…s-soujirou-sama…" I turned in his arms, afraid to see the look on his face. My body began to shiver strongly, as if cold, but Soujioru forced me to look him in the eyes.

"Soujirou...sama..."

I fainted.

* * *

Curled into a ball on the futon, I hid my face from Soujirou's. I hadn't said much since we came in from the market. Instead, just rushed to the bedroom, feeling sick and ashamed. Souirou, however, refused to leave my side. He sat by me, using a cool compress to smooth the hair from my eyes.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Kaoru-chan." He said softly as he kneeled beside me. "Although unusual, a woman who can protect herself…well…it's extraordinary." He put a hand on the small of my back.

"Don't..." I whimpered. Soujirou retracted slowly.

"You see…this…this is the thing…" I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I was taught martial arts to protect. My father didn't want me to learn at first, but I was so eager."

Soujirou seemed confused, but still, listened intently.

"If he knew what I did today, he'd be ashamed. Kamiya Kasshin Ryu is for protection…not for…not for..._that_."

"I didn't know what to do today…I didn't want to get hurt! But…" I clenched my fists, thinking of how much anger had boiled inside me back then. Soujirou seemed lost in his own thoughts for a moment, and I was surprised when I felt his arms encircle me completely.

"I should have never allowed you to be alone like that," he sighed out. "Forgive me."

Instead of tensing, I relaxed into his hold. "Soujirou, no. It's not your fault. If I hadn't run away…" I hid my face from him. "My family name wouldn't have been disgraced."

"To kill for protection," Soujirou said calmly, "There's nothing wrong with that. Your skill is at a fine level for a young female. I'm impressed and…Kaoru-chan, just don't cry."

He used his fingertips to brush the tears from the corners of my eyes.

"Your father would be proud," Soujirou's voice was gentle. I sat up slowly, and our gazes finally locked. I was still scared, but leaned in closer, desperate for someone to tell me that it was okay.

"You're a strong woman…I'm glad that you're here," he held me tighter.

"Soujirou-sama…" I called his name softly.

Soujirou tilted my chin up with his fingertips the way he did that same morning, and smiled his usual, lazy smile.

"Soujirou," he told me gently. "Soujirou."

I could feel my cheeks pinkening as he began to stroke my cheek with his thumb, but made no move to pull away. He was so gentle.

Why was he so gentle?

"Kaoru-chan…" Soujirou whispered my name into my hair and I closed my eyes as I lifted my head from his shoulder, our breath mingling. I could feel Soujirou trying to lean forward again, but at the last moment, I tilted my head down. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I couldn't let him do it.

I felt Soujirou's body stiffen up a little, but he continued with the kiss, pressing it to the top of my head instead.

* * *

**AN:** For those who read the first version, you'll remember that they kissed here, but reading back, I felt things were a bit rushed. I like this version better! Close, but not too close for the story! :D


	5. Strength bringing Sunflowers

**Title: Bearing Blue**

**Chapter 5: Strength bringing Sunflowers**

* * *

My thoughts drifted as I lay alone in the futon, once again unable to sleep. In my mind, I kept replaying the moment I had shared with Soujirou the night before. We had been so close to something dangerous – something possibly incredible, but I put a stop to it.

'_As you should have,_' I chided myself. '_It's the only way to keep your senses about you in this sham of a marriage.'_

My eyes were now accustomed to the dark and I could see well enough to reach for my yukata, which I draped loosely over my bare frame. I tied the sash around the middle and moved quietly into the hallway. Once again, Soujirou was late to bed, but that night, I didn't mind very much. Things had been slightly awkward around us since the day before, and though I could tell Soujirou was trying to be more affectionate, all I could do was pull back.

In my left palm, I fingered the gold key Soujirou had given me before. It made me think of the strange chest in the hallway, but I was careful not to let my mind wander. Instead, I groped my way to the back of the house, to garden and unlocked the door, hoping Soujirou wouldn't disturb me.

"Ah…" I gasped as I watched moonlight from the open air ceiling dance onto the surface of the small pond. A new rosebush had been planted near the outer wall. I smiled and approached it, smelling the lovely yellow roses. I plucked one off and saw that there was a note attached.

_For Kaoru-chan_

It said those two words simply and plainly. I blushed; thinking of Soujirou then shook those sentimental thoughts from my head. It was too soon for me to even think of him that way. Fingering the petals of one of the roses, I racked my brain for the meaning. I knew yellow roses stood for something. Megumi had tried to press rose symbolism into my head years ago, but I didn't remember much aside from doing my best to escape the stuffy room full of prim and proper girls.

It was then that I saw a small plaque underneath the bush that read: 'Sociability and Friendship.' Smiling, and clutched the rose to my chest. I guess I could live with _friendship_. Being cordial, speaking to him now and then… I closed my eyes sleepily, and made my way out of the garden. I would come back in the morning when I was no longer tired.

I was creeping out in the hallway when I heard a soft curse, accompanied by a muffled hiss of pain. At first, I thought I might just be hearing things, but even after I stopped moving, the shuffling continued. Curious, I peeked down the hall. The door to Soujirou's study was closed and the light was off, so I assumed he had fallen asleep.

_I have to wake him…it could be a thief!_ I knocked quietly on the door as I heard heavy footsteps shuffle down the hall, and there was the sound of light spatters that accompanied the steps.

"Sou…jirou." I barely managed to choke out. My voice was hoarse as I spoke.

The footsteps stopped a moment, and I pushed through the door in a panic. The desk was empty and Soujirou was nowhere to be found.

"Mother…fucking..." a man's deep, but stilted voice sounded out.

It was muffled, but I could still hear it from behind.

'_What is this? Who is this?'_ I flattened by back against the wall and tried desperately to slow my breathing. I couldn't see anything in the dark, but as soon as I heard footsteps shifting toward me, I knew I had to react.

Heart racing, I scrambled backward into the hall and searched desperately for the door I was looking for. Using all my weight, I yanked open the locked shoji and dropped to my knees.

"Come on…come on!" With both hands, I shoved the locked chest back and found what I was looking for.

'_I knew it!'_ I grabbed for the kodachi on the floor. It was sheathed, but only partially, and I could see a dark crust of blood along the blade. There was no way all of it was from where I had cut myself nights before. The sight made my own blood run cold, but still, I couldn't waste any more time. As quietly as I could, I slunk into the hall. The footsteps neared me and I could see the outline of a hunched figure coming towards me. I unsheathed the short sword quickly with an awkward clicking sound and the figure sprang into action.

'_Murder is okay for protection…'_ I heard Soujirou's voice in my head and struck forth, doing what I said I would.

"Grrah!" A masculine growl sounded, and though my heart was in my stomach, I stabbed out at the intruder.

The glint of metal caught my eye, and cold air swiped by my face.

_'Dear god, he has a sword!'_

Our weapons clashed and I was pushed backward by the force he exerted on the blade. He was so fast – so strong! I needed help.

'_Soujirou? Where are you, Soujirou!'_ I began to panic, imagining the smiling man face down in blood somewhere in the house.

Suddenly, I felt something splatter against my face and I almost shrieked. It was blood. The man was bleeding. Panting hard underneath the weight of a katana against my small blade, I forced myself back against the wood until we separated.

Once more, I dragged the kodachi up into an aligned position with my eyes. This time, I struck towards his legs, but missed, getting the blade caught in the wall as he jumped. He stumbled as he landed on his feet, obviously in some kind of pain.

I was scared beyond belief, and worst of all, I could barely see a thing. Once again, I caught sight of the man's sword as it glinted ever so slightly. I ducked and curled myself up as he struck downward, clearly only in self defense. The sword narrowly missed my leg and I screamed out, finally finding my voice.

"SOUJIROU!"

Abruptly, the man stopped and crouched next to me, his hands groping in the darkness.

"Kaoru! Kaoru-chan?" He cried out, and I was startled to hear a familiar voice. Panting, I stopped struggling with the kodachi and fumbled to turn on one of the oil lamps in the hallway. As soon as the glow surrounded me, I saw Soujirou plainly. However, his appearance stopped me right in my tracks. His usually perfectly coifed hair was matted and damp with sweat, and his blue gi was darkened with blood. I shrugged away from him in fright.

"Wh-what are you doing!" I half shouted. Soujirou covered his abdomen with his palm, trying to stop blood from spreading. His eyes held aggravation, but somehow I could tell it wasn't directed towards me.

"Shit," He hissed in pain, and got to his feet, stumbling. Blood dripped from where he held his hand, and I stared in shock at my yukata. It was splattered with the crimson substance from where we had briefly come in contact.

"Oh kami…" I covered my mouth with both hands. "Oh-oh what happened!"

I was screaming without noticing it. Soujirou leaned against the wall, pale and gasping, and let finally let the weapon slip from his fingertips. Though it was common for households to keep katana for some sense of protection, it had been illegal to walk the street with swords for years. The only people who did were the police… government rebels or….or…

I gasped in realization.

"It's…" Soujirou forced a smile on his lips. "It's nothing to worry about. I got into-into an—

"Don't lie to me!" I shrieked, and began to sob. The tears came without warning, but I couldn't stop them. Seeing Soujirou standing there like that, covered in blood, smiling as though everything was fine, it scared the hell out of me. "Oh…oh what…what is this?"

As Soujirou tried to keep himself steady with a hand on his wound, I stared in shock at the bloodstained katana. Although he was struggling, the first thing I could think of was the chest in the closet.

"Kaoru-chan, go back to bed!" Soujirou managed to splutter.

"You're…you've been hurting people, haven't you?" I said softly in pained realization. "Haven't you!"

Soujirou's eyes seemed to darken. "Kaoru…I urge you not to speak of things you don't understand."

I scoffed and shifted back towards the chest. There, I wrenched the kodachi from the floorboards. "In here…what's in here?"

"Kaoru, get away from there!" Soujirou demanded, but I dropped to my knees and before he could shuffle over, forced the blade under the chest's seal.

It pried apart easily, and I tossed the lid aside.

"You're evil…" I covered my mouth as I stared at the array of weaponry in the chest – the glinting steel perfectly clean, but still so ripe with the scent of blood.

And underneath, tied stacks of bills.

Soujirou fell to his knees, weak, but still managed to grab me back by the wrist. His eyes were narrowed sharply and his smile, devilish.

"You…" he grunted, fighting hard to stay sitting up. "You don't know…"

"I know that you're evil!" I raised my voice, the elevated tone radiating through the house. "How could you harm people for…for personal gain!"

I yanked out of Soujirou's hold and he fell forward, gasping. Looking at him, lying there in pain and helpless, I wanted to help, but fear and anger kept me grounded.

"This…this is the family business." Soujirou chuckled. "Ever since I was eight years old…this is what I had become heir to…what they worked me to the bone for…not just some fucking rice!" Soujirou's voice was weak, but biting. I backed away across the smooth, wooden floors.

"I want to go home! I want to see Megumi! I don't like this!" I cried out, but no tears came. I was too petrified to cry anymore.

"How simple…how innocent women can be." Soujirou shifted onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, spluttering. His gi gaped open and I could see the wound clearly. Torn flesh surrounding a deep sword cut – right across his abdomen. Though part of me wanted to let him drift away, I couldn't stop myself from pushing both hands over the wound and applying pressure. Soujirou cried out in pain briefly, but then laughed softly, quietly.

"You have to know…" He reached up and stroked my face. I could feel the blood smearing against my cheeks. "I'd do anything to end this. For you…I'd…"

Soujirou's eyes began to flutter closed. He'd lost so much blood already; I knew I had to act quickly. Draping one of his arms over my shoulder, I used all my strength to drag him down the hall towards the bathroom.

"Oh God…" tears slid down my cheeks as I listened to Soujirou's deep, labored breathing. He still had that same stupid smile on his face, and it pressed me to continue.

Everything was coming down on me at once and it was all so confusing. I didn't understand. How could one man have me so mixed up inside?

I had learned from my father the evils of murder – of unjustly taking a life. Assassins, people who willfully took funds for murdering those in power, those were the people I grew to hate. They destroyed families and ruined lives.

And yet…

When I finally reached the bathroom, I stared back at Soujioru and his soft, boyish face. He looked so helpless, his hair soaked with sweat and sticking to his face.

'_It's the family business,'_ I remembered hearing the pain and disgust in his voice. Disgust with himself. I couldn't imagine the burden and shame of learning a horrible trade at such a young age.

'_8 years old…'_

"S-soujirou…Souji…" I stroked the hair from his face, and his eyes opened ever so slightly.

"I…" he managed to clutch my hand. "I don't want to die. Not yet."

Frantic, I began to nod. "No, no you won't!"

"I want…" he began to slip back into a stupor again. "I want to stay…stay with Kaoru-chan."

"Yes," I grabbed his hand. "Stay with me! Please!"

Soujirou's hand fell limp all of a sudden, and I began to panic. The best idea would have been to find a doctor, but it was so late, and I barely knew the area. I knew only a little about wound treatment, but at the same time, knew that if I didn't help Soujirou, I would surely lose him.

"O-okay, okay…" I breathed deeply to clear my thoughts. Then, with shaking hands, forced Soujirou's body into a half-sitting position against the cool tile floor. Working quickly, I pulled free the tie at his hakama, and while keeping his waist covered, yanked off the bloodstained shirt.

Thankfully, due my added pressure, the wound had stopped bleeding, but still, I had to clean it. I yanked the lid from the ofuro and soaked a large towel in water before wringing it out over Soujirou's bloodied abdomen. Though he hissed out in pain, I was glad to see a reaction. Quickly and carefully, I mopped and patted at his crusted skin, loosening the clotted areas and cleaning until I could see the torn, pink flesh clearly. The wound was long, but thankfully, not as deep as it had first appeared.

I knew it needed to be stitched, but worried about how clean I'd really gotten the area. As fast as I could, I dashed to the kitchen and dug through the cabinets. I knew vinegar could be used as an antiseptic, as well as honey, but could only find the vinegar. With that, and a cloth full of ice, I hurried back. As soon as I set foot back into the bathroom, I pried the top from the bottle and splashed its entirety over Soujirou's torn flesh. Next came the ice – poured over the wound until it left his skin flushed and pale.

Soujirou swore, but again, I was thankful to know he was still conscious.

"I'm so sorry…" I wept as I searched for a sewing kit.

"No," Soujirou managed to rasp. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean for you to know," he panted softly and I returned to his side with the kit and a dry towel.

"No." Using silk thread, I threaded a needle with shaking hands. "I-I should have known something was the matter. You were always up so late. Always…suffering."

Soujirou tried for my hand again, but couldn't grip it. While he was distracted, I lit a match and ran it quickly, several times over the sewing needle.

"Kaoru-chan…" Soujirou's eyes closed again, but not for long. As soon as I started in on the wound, he cried out in pain.

Firmly, I pushed the needle into his flushed skin, over and over, pulling tight with each stich. It hurt me to hear him crying out, but I knew I couldn't stop. Finally, when I was able to tie off the last not, I breathed easily. The stitches weren't perfect, but at least they were in. With an excess of gauze, I covered the wound and secured it with thick, white bandages.

Soujioru's breathing started out labored, but as I watched him closely, it evened out. For hours, I sat with him against the wall in the bathroom, feeling his pulse and stroking his cold, clammy skin until it became warm again. Although the night had been a horror, I couldn't stop thinking about the rosebushes, and Soujirou's soft fingers against my cheek.

"Stay with me," I begged as I curled into his side. "Please, don't leave."

* * *

**AN:** Different again, but more powerful, I think. :)


	6. Promise Me A Posy

**Title: Bearing Blue**

**Chapter 6: Promise Me a Posy**

**AN: **So delighted with the first two reviews that I got in response to this re-write. I'm so flattered that people were inspired to read again after years, and that they have such kind things to say. So to **flaming-amber** and** Kunoichi Uchiha Sakura**, I thank you so much. Your words of encouragement and praise make me blush and totally charge me up to continue! I'm definitely going to take this to the finish, and I think that because I have so much of the flesh and bones done, even with the re-vamp, I'll be able to stick with this! This was one of the first sou-kao fics I wrote, and I definitely want to stay with it until completion! Again! Haha, so thanks again to everyone who's coming along for the ride! Love you guys!**  
**

* * *

When morning came, I woke feeling as though I'd been mowed over by a carriage. Though wide-awake, I lay in my futon with my eyes squeezed shut, wishing my dreams of being home had come true.

_'Futon?_' it took a moment for me to register my surroundings, but when I opened my eyes, I found myself in the bedroom, swaddled under a warm layer of sheets. But the thing that startled me most was that I was alone.

_'Soujioru-sama…_' I threw the sheets from my body and tried to remember what had gone on the night before. I could still feel the raw, cut flesh of Soujirou's wound under my fingertips; still smell the stench of blood from his katana.

My eyes welled with tears.

I could hear Soujirou's voice – soft, broken, begging me not to let him die. I'd never seen that side of a man before – so vulnerable and scared. It made my heart hurt for him.

And yet…

I stared down at my body, my white yukata dotted with blood. It was a powerful reminder of what had happened in those early morning hours. Just as I began to sit up further, I heard a set of footsteps shuffling quickly down the hall.

'Soujirou?' I thought, but then decided I couldn't risk it. Moving quickly, I pulled the sheets back over my body and shut my eyes tight, pretending to sleep.

I heard the footsteps stop outside the shoji, and then the door slowly slid open. For a moment, there was silence, but then a quiet sigh. In that sigh, I could hear heaviness and despair. I started to crack open my eyes a little, but the presence of a body at my side gave me pause.

"Kaoru-chan." Soujirou's smooth voice startled me, and I almost gasped. His hand brushed my forehead, and then swooped down to cup my cheek. I felt my body getting warm, but only hoped it didn't show on my face.

"Forgive me." He pulled the futon cover back slightly and for a moment, I thought he might get in. Instead, however, I felt both of his hands settle at the tie at my waist and pull it free. I felt cool air hit my abdomen, and immediately panicked.

"What are you doing?" I shot up in the futon, startling Soujirou. He yanked away and fell onto his backside. He grabbed at his abdomen in pain for a moment, but then wiped away discomfort with a smile.

"K-kaoru…"he stammered. "Have you been awake all this time?"

Clutching the front of my yukata closed with both hands, I could only stare. I was overcome with a flurry of emotions, and didn't know how to react.

"Your yukata," he said gently, as if testing the waters. "It's stained with something. I thought I might change—

"—and so the lies begin," I couldn't bite back the comment. Soujirou only stared back at me, smiling his same, silly smile.

I looked around the spotless room and when I craned my neck, saw that the hallway was indeed, the same. Soujirou looked normal – perfectly coifed and smiling.

"Mop up the blood, change my yukata… Do you think a little tiding up would make me forget?" I tied my obi securely and fingered the bloodstains.

"Forget what?" Soujirou wouldn't look at me as he tried to play innocent. I started to stand, but was at once overtaken by a sharp sensation in my breast. I stumbled, but Soujirou sprang into action, catching me before I could fall.

"What…" I pulled at the top of my yukata and gasped at the sight of a purpling bruise on my sternum. With all the adrenaline running through my veins the night before, I hadn't felt the hit, but it was exactly where Soujirou's hilt had caught me when we scuffled in the hall. I looked up into Soujirou's eyes and found them narrowed, full of anger. His hands shook as he held me, far too tight.

"I remember." My voice was soft. I raised a hand to Soujirou's chest and pulled open his gi. He voiced no protest as I revealed his pale skin and the mass of bandages around his torso. "And you can't make me forget."

Soujirou let his hands fall away from my body at once. We sat apart in the quiet of the room for a long while before I broke the silence.

"This life," I spoke carefully. "How could you go along with this life?"

When I looked to Soujirou, I saw his smile again, but it seemed strangely melancholy.

"I don't come from a home like yours, Kaoru-chan," he said. I winced as he used the familiar term. "My mother was a prostitute. She died on the streets and I never knew my father."

As he spoke, I kept my head lowered. For some reason, it felt wrong to look Soujirou in the eye when he spoke so personally.

"I lived that way too – on the streets – until my stepmother found me. As a child, I assumed being brought into that wealthy family would mean an incredible life." Soujirou chuckled ruefully. "How naïve I was."

"Y-your stepmother? She knows?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

"The men in the family was once part of a group who performed assassinations for the government. They dominated Kyoto, but over time, took their trade to less savory routes. They work for whoever hires and execute for the sake of power, money and dominance. But as strong as they were, the government who had once funded them, slowly began to bring them to their knees. Arrested, beaten, killed…until the family was only a shell of its former self. When stepmother picked me up from the streets, she was desperate for another 'son' to bring the legacy back to life. With the help of the rest of her remaining 'sons,' I became the young protégé."

"But…" I closed my eyes, remembering last night. "Soujirou…at_ eight years old_?"

"I didn't have a choice," Soujirou's voice was bitter, but the smile remained. "They beat the training into me, tortured and starved me until I complied. After a while, there wasn't much I could do but grin and bear it. After all, it was the first time I'd been given shelter. The first time anyone had ever been proud of me. The more I trained, the better I became. I'm at the top now. The fastest, the strongest…"

Soujirou's smile became wider, and I felt a shiver run through my body. An image of the old woman with silver hair flashed in my mind. Her malicious eyes narrowed and I pictured her watching in enjoyment as a young Soujirou was beaten into submission.

"There were eight sons remaining back there, but when four passed, I was left to take on the jobs they had left behind. It's become a way of life for me."

Vigorously, I began to shake my head. "No! Soujirou, you have a choice! You're older now and you can—

"—it isn't so easy," Soujirou dismissed me. "I'm in too deep. Until my stepmother passes, I must continue or she'll send others to kill me. To keep me quiet. No one is to know of the true family business and even letting the secret slip to you…."

He stopped, seemingly in pain. Suddenly, I felt scared. What lengths would Soujirou go to in order to keep the secret a secret?

"You shouldn't have to bear any of this sin." Soujirou shook his head.

"I tried to be quiet…coming in every night…" He trailed. I sat up onto my knees and shifted closer to Soujirou. As despicable as his deeds were, there was something that kept me from hating Soujirou. Maybe it was wifely duty finally kicking in, but I just couldn't let him bear the pain alone.

"I could never sleep." I said in a direct voice, unable to fight the desire to meet Soujirou's gaze. He stared up at me, and I found his eyes had never looked so blue.

"Kaoru-chan," he started as though he was going to say something gentle, but then bit his lip. "Tomorrow… I'll take you back to your caretaker."

"You can't. We're not allowed to separate," I protested. I hadn't meant to sound so passionate about it, but what I really wanted to say was that I didn't _want _to separate from him. No matter the pain and the fright I had experienced, Soujirou had never did a single thing to hurt me. He was always kind and gentle and put up with my moods. For over a month he'd tried his best for me, and I knew that he didn't want to be alone any more than I did.

"I don't want…to." The words passed my lips slowly as I got a taste for how they felt. It was right… and it was true. He was close to me. A friend to me.

Soujirou put one awkward arm around my shoulder and I stared into his blue orbs once again. It felt as if something was drawing me closer. I let him wrap his other arm around me and tears surfaced in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and splattering onto Soujirou's skin.

"Couldn't you…tell the police?" I asked in a child's foolishness.

"Not without being arrested myself...most likely put to death." Soujirou looked off, smiling again. "But then again, maybe I deserve such a thing."

"Don't say that!" I shot up in his arms. "We-we could…" I trailed, unsure of what to say.

"Don't trouble yourself…you're a strong woman…" Soujirou raised a hand to my cheek, a little hesitant at first, but then used his fingertips to brush away the tears.

"Stop…stop saying that." I shrugged away, trying to fight more tears that threatened to surface. As I wife I was expected to stay calm and composed, but Megumi had never warned me about a situation like this!

"I hurt you." The words passed Soujirou's lips so softly, I could barely hear them.

He lifted his hand, as if to reach for my yukata, but then thought better of it. I touched the bruised spot on my chest.

"It doesn't hurt," I insisted.

"It's only a matter of time before the pain becomes more serious. Before it becomes too late to care for the ones I love."

I felt color flood into my cheeks, but Soujirou kept his gaze steady.

"I know it's a bit presumptuous," he chuckled," but I've become so accustomed to your presence – the clumsy little things you do, the way you're always biting your tongue around me, and how you're so charmingly forgetful."

"Mou…." I glared at him, but couldn't keep a hint of a smile from my lips. "It sounds as if you're pointing out my poorer attributes."

"You're very unlike the women I've met in my life," he smiled, but I couldn't keep a hint of a frown from my lips.

'_How many women have you met in your life?' _I wondered, pouting a little.

"I like that," he squeezed me a little. "I love that."

At the word "love," my cheeks pinkened, and I only hoped Soujirou didn't notice it. It was wishful thinking, because smiling, he leaned in closer.

"I shouldn't love it," he whispered into my ear," but I do."

Biting back a little smile on my lips, I dipped my head away from his. "Soujioru-sama..."

I started to murmur, and Soujirou went in for a kiss at my lips. I turned my head again, letting him miss and press it against my cheek. I expected him to be infuriated, but instead, he held me closer. All these feelings - shyness and uncertainty - I'd never dealt with them before, but Soujirou seemed so level-headed when it came to them.

"I'm serious when I say I don't want you to call me that any longer," he murmured on my neck. I shut my eyes and was overcome by the image of Soujirou's wet, weak form on the bathroom floor. His eyes, barely open, his mouth, moving frantically as he begged for life.

Life with me.

"Souji-

"I've never cared for life before. But with you I..." He grasped my hands tightly, almost painfully. "I feel like a boy again I... I'd do anything to get out of this life. Anything for..."

I felt myself tearing for some reason, but when I tried to look away, Soujirou turned me in his arms.

"You're very special to me—

"—no, no…don't say that." I smiled a little, tears rolling down my cheeks. Soujirou brushed them away with his thumb.

"You're just making this hard and you're making me cry. I didn't come here expecting to—

I stopped myself and blushed. I looked at Soujirou and could see he a light in his eyes. He looked at me, expectantly, eyes darting from mine to my parted lips.

When I didn't say anymore, Soujirou took the hint.

"It's all right," he let me shift out of his lap and we both looked at the floor in silence.

"What will you do?" I finally broke it, adding more tension to the room. This time, it was Soujirou's turn to avoid.

"I want you to have something." He stood suddenly and before I could stagger to my feet to follow, disappeared into the hall. Patiently, I waited until he returned, holding the large chest from the night before.

"Soujirou..." I tried to protest, remembering the array of weaponry inside.

"Please," Soujirou was unusually firm as he pried the top off with the tip of the kodachi, and then handed it to me. "Not only do I want you to have this short sword, but this katana as well."

My eyes went wide as I watched Soujirou draw the heavy blade from the chest and unsheathe it before me. I had never used a real katana in my life, and just seeing the sheer amount of steel was overwhelming.

"I'm just a housewife," I tried to refuse as Soujirou held the hilt out torward me, but he wrapped my fingers around it himself.

"Never say that," he sat on his knees before me. "You're an extraordinary woman, and in the case that something ever happens to me, you deserve to be able to protect yourself with the absolute best."

I felt a swelling in my chest as Soujirou spoke those words of compliment, but at the same time, my heart felt heavy. 'In the case that something ever happens to me...'

I looked down, crestfallen. How quickly I'd forgotten his past, and his job.

"What does this mean?" I demanded, holding the sword in my lap.

Soujirou didn't meet my eyes.

"Kaoru..." his voice was soft. "Don't you remember how amazing it felt to do what you loved?"

I knew he was referring to training with my bokken in my father's dojo. I was never anything special, but just the feel of being surrounded by the warmth of the family, the watchful eye of my mother and father, it strengthened my resolve and had me working each day - training to become better. Better than the boys at the dojo, better than the boys in Tokyo, better than...

better than anyone.

"I've never used a sword," I blurted, and when I spoke, tasted salt on my lips. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

It was one thing for Soujirou to express his desire to get out of the business to me in hopes that I'd still my worries, but the reality of the situation was far graver.

"I'll teach you." He touched my cheek again in that same familiar way, but this time, I leaned into it. "I'll teach you everything. I'll leave you...everything."

In that moment, for the very first time, I felt the full weight of the sword.

"Everything..." I repeated him, staring blankly out at the space between us.

"Yes. " Soujirou covered my hands with his. "I have to go out tonight, Kaoru-chan. And in case something happens to me…"

"Nothing's happened before!" I cried, and surged forward into his arms. Soujirou seemed taken aback at first, but slowly relaxed.

"In case…" He whispered sternly in my ear, trying to gain my attention.

Still, I refused it. Quivering slightly, I fisted the dark fabric of Soujirou's gi and pulled myself up. Before he could even register what I was doing, I leaned in and crushed my lips against his. Though 19 years old and far past my prime, I had no idea what I was doing. I had denied Soujirou this contact so many times, but now, I was forcing it. Forcing it, and trying, and so unsure of myself.

Soujirou's hands, which had been still and flat over mine, skimmed over my waist, as if hesitant at first, but the moment I tilted my head and opened my mouth against his, they clutched at my hips. It was then I was truly aware of the age difference between us. Where I fumbled, Soujirou was sound. Where I was timid, he was bold.

Soon, I'd closed my eyes, leaned in and felt nothing but the gentle movement of Soujirou's lips against mine, his tongue so softly stroking in the inside of my mouth. I'd never known a man could be so eager, but calm at the same time. That lips could be so soft. Before I could stop myself, I'd let a tiny whimper escape. All of a sudden I was aware of the stuffiness of the room, and the way my yukata seemed to be far too warm against my skin. I hugged him tighter, desperate, and took in the pleasure of his firm chest against mine.

Soujirou made an odd, low sound in his throat, and pulled away from the kiss. His eyes were hazy and dark.

"Soujirou..." Cheeks aflame, I breathed into the space between us. I eyed Soujirou's swollen lips and started in again, bolder, but he tilted his face a little so I caught the edge of his mouth.

"Kaoru this..." He shifted a little. "Emotions are high and we...we probably shouldn't continue like this."

I wasn't aware of the implications of his statement until I leaned in again, and brushing a hand against his lap, felt an unusual stiffness. Soujirou pulled my hand away at once.

I turned beet red. I was inexperienced, but surely knew enough to know what _that_ was.

"I-

"-I apologize," Soujirou beat me to it. "Reacting like a schoolboy..."

His cheeks were flushed, and I couldn't help but smile the tiniest of smiles. To see calm, gentle _soujirou-sama_ so flustered and heated…it was _interesting_, to say the least.

"This isn't what I wanted to happen before I…" Soujirou shook his head, his silent way of admitting embarrassment.

"Before you what?" I looked up from where Soujirou folded his hands oddly in his lap, and smiled a smile that hadn't seen daylight in months.

"Kaoru-chan I…I would like you to have my child," Soujirou looked up at me with the same eyes, darkness slipping away with arousal. There was something more serious there, and it made my heart race.

"Your…your child?" My mouth went dry. All of a sudden, I thought back to Soujirou's spiel about the rosebushes when we went to market, and I felt anger raging inside me. Was it all an act?

A ploy to get into my good graces so I would bear an heir to his sin?

_If so, then…_

My mind went to just moments before and the heated kiss we'd shared. How I'd pushed my breasts into his chest, how his hands had gripped fiercely at my hips. With my foolish desperation, how easy it would have been for him to take _what belonged to him_.

"How dare you," I managed to rasp. Soujirou stared on, determined.

"After what just occurred between us I realize how this must seem," his eyes were sad and pleading. "But Kaoru-chan, I would never force you. I just want…I want something to last. Something, after everything fades away."

He reached out to touch my hand, but I yanked away as if he was something contaminated.

_So that's what this is._ Soujirou wasn't asking me because he felt anything towards me. It was because…

"So you can spread your seed before you die?" I spat.

I suddenly felt like a whore, sitting there, so raw and though clothed, bare to Soujirou more than I'd ever been.

"If I can't ever escape this turmoil, I want a child who will," Soujirou insisted.

'_You want? YOU want?'_ I wanted to scream. _'What about what **I** want?'_

"A child dirty with his father's sins," I bit at him. It was a low blow, but I didn't care. Soujirou had deceived me. Made me care, made me weak in his arms, and for what? To be used like common trash? Just like every other woman in Tokyo who had a husband who said the words "forever."

"At least he would have a mother," Soujirou was firm. "A life and-

"-Life!" I shouted, and when I stood, was so woozy I stumbled back to the tatami. From the floor, Soujirou watched my erratic movement and the sick smile that was now on **my** face.

"Life?" I began to laugh. "You sit here and talk about life! Demand me to bear your child!" I grasped at the front of my yukata, over the discolored bruise on my chest.

"You bastard!" the curse flowed easily. I was sixteen again and chasing violent boys around my father's dojo, saying words I'd heard from them; words I swore to my mother that as a young girl, would never pass my lips.

Soujirou, however, didn't seem stunned. He continued to eye me with that same sad stare, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"How many lives have you ruined? How many parents have you stolen from the children you cherish so?" I fell to my knees and as I spoke, felt a coldness settling in over my heart. I knew I'd gone too far, but...

"Aa." Soujirou bowed his head, and I could no longer see the bright blue of his eyes.

I expected more. A violent rebuke, some kind of bold scolding, but Soujirou was silent. I'd sat there, telling him he had no right to a family, a child, an heir, and he said nothing. Still, I wouldn't apologize. I couldn't take it back. Not now.

"If...you'll excuse me..." Soujirou, bowed low out of the room and slid the shoji shut behind him without a word.

Still on my knees, I curled to the floor, until my head and hands touched the tatami. Sitting like that, curled and helpless, it muffled the soft sounds of my cries.

_'A child..._' my mind nagged._ 'Wouldn't you like to have a child?'_

It wasn't much of a question. Of course I wanted a child. Somewhere, someday with someone I loved. Instinctively, my hands went to my stomach; I pictured it round and full with life. My favorite kimono would no longer fit, and I'd tip the carriage with extra weight, but it wouldn't matter. For in nine months would come joy - would come soft coos and cries and ten fingers and ten toes.

He would have my eyes, and my hair, I decided. I turned onto my back, lost in thought.

...

_And his smile._

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AN: Happy reading! Hope you liked this chapter :D_  
_


	7. When Touch is Like a Tulip

**Title: Bearing Blue**

**Chapter seven: When touch is like a tulip**

**AN: **Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter took a little longer than the others. I'd been having some computer issues, but finally I was able to sort things out! This chapter, I think, had some of most drastic changes from the original, but I like it way again to my lovely loyal reviewers, as well as the few new ones who have popped up to give this story a second read! I hope you like it just as much as the first go round.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I upped to the rating to M this time because I'm no longer 13 and retarded, and I feel I can write sexual tension without sounding lame. lol. So people who like lemons, get all excited and everything! You never know when that sour, tangy goodness might come and greet you. Anyway, that's enough! Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!

* * *

It had been two weeks since the incident in the hall and any talk of childbearing. Soujirou's wounds had long since healed, but I did whatever I could to keep mine open.

My mouth stayed glued at every instance of contact, and I refused to meet his gaze. It was easier than before, I noted, because Soujirou seemed strangely resigned to the lack of attention. He'd become far more withdrawn, and the familiar feel of his body sliding into the futon late at night soon became a thing of the past. The distance between us increased, and as did my anger.

Soujirou prepared his own bath, as usual, but instead of eating whatever burnt breakfasts I'd prepared, he'd retreat to his study and do god knows what until I was finished in the kitchen. Only then would he venture out and prepare something for himself, usually after rewashing and clearing the area, first.

For that reason, it surprised me when I awoke that morning, to see Soujirou sitting at the table, picking at a piece of salted salmon with his chopsticks as he read the newspaper. I passed by cautiously; intent on not saying a word, but Soujirou seemed to have other intentions.

"Good morning, Kaoru-chan," his voice was soft as usual, but with a hint of something teasing. I refused to meet his eyes, but knew anyway that he was smiling.

"Kaoru?" He pressed.

I kept my back to Soujirou. It was bad enough he'd been the bigger person, and broken the silence between us, but the last thing I needed was him to see the flush of pink on my cheeks that had mysteriously turned up at the sound of his voice.

"Ah, I suppose it was very silly of me to think I was living with an adult. You're still very much a child."

I spun around as soon as I heard the biting comment and stared in disbelief. Soujirou, however, wasn't looking at me. His attention was back on the newspaper, and he was sipping idly on a cup of steaming tea. For a moment, I wondered how his calm, smirking face would look with the hot liquid dripping from scalded skin.

"Don't speak to me that way!" I shouted, unable to control the volume of my voice. Soujirou finally turned to look at me, smiling brightly.

"Don't speak to me that way," he mocked in a falsetto. "Don't demand things of me. Don't…love me."

I froze at the last mention, but Soujirou seemed unmoved.

"Men like you…" I started, and then shook my head. "I see you for who you are now, Soujirou Seta."

"Selfish, selfish." Soujirou took a bite of salmon and turned his attention back to the daily headline. For some reason, this infuriated me more than the biting sarcasm. It was one thing to verbally wound me, but another to pretend they were little more than a stain on the bottom of your shoe!

"How can you possibly label me selfish? I'm sorry I refused to sleep with you and carry your child for nine months so you can up and die the next day because you're a murderer!" I picked up the nearest thing to me, a block of tofu, and hurled it at his head.

At a speed I barely registered, Soujirou turned his head to the side and dodged the white, wet mass. Instead of striking his cheek as I'd planned, it soared through the air and tore a hole in the shoji as it made its way into the hall.

"Selfish and wasteful?" Soujirou chuckled, raising an eyebrow in my direction. "What would your parents th—

Before Soujirou could finish the sentence, I'd rushed across the living area and shoved him hard in the chest. His blue eyes went wide with genuine surprise, and hot tea went flying all over the tatami.

"Don't speak a word about my parents," I panted.

Our faces were so close, Soujirou's eyes blurred together into one startling blue mass, and I could feel his warm breath against my lips.

"And so…" Soujirou leaned in before I could react. "…temperamental."

The kiss was so soft; I barely registered it. That was, until Soujirou started in again. One hand poised to cradle my neck, he moved in, but I jerked back, flustered.

"I can't believe you'd even try!" I spluttered. I raised my hand to smack him across the face, but Soujirou didn't have to try hard to catch it.

While I fumed, he brushed my fingertips against his cheeks, then his soft, full lips. I wanted to puff out my cheeks in anger, but the moment Soujirou looked up at me through his lashes at me – those blue eyes sparkling with mischief, I forgot everything I'd wanted to say.

"How long will you huff and puff around the household?" his voice was serious, now. "I took the brunt of the argument and here you are acting as if I'm the one who's denied you something! Haven't I given you space? Treated you well?"

I let myself sink to my knees between Soujirou's parted thighs lowered my head. There was a fine line between hurt and irrational, and I'd crossed it days ago.

"You have," I whispered, and then shamefully began to recall the names I'd called him, the assumptions I'd made.

I opened my mouth to form some sort of apology, but Soujirou stood suddenly.

"I'll prepare something for your breakfast," he announced. "You're getting much too thin. It shows." Soujirou walked in front of me and paused, trying to get a better look at my face. I lifted it.

"I liked you much better when you had more meat on your bones," he teased, and I turned my face away, hot with blush.

"Maybe if I stay like this and starve myself…I won't be the perfect candidate for child rearing," I murmured under my breath. Soujirou shrugged.

"Do what you please," he seemed unmoved by my drama. Guiltily, I thought back to the sallow, desperate eyes I'd seen in the bathroom that night I'd sewn him up.

All I wanted was happiness; why was I so certain Soujirou wasn't entitled to the same?

I sat on the wet tatami as Soujirou busied himself in the kitchen, preparing rice, salmon and egg for me. I wanted to tell him that it was unnecessary, that I could do it on my own, but instead, I found myself staring. Peering intently at the way his eyes focused on the sizzling iron pans, the boiling water, the quickly crispening skin of fish and browning of egg. He made it look so easy.

"How did you learn to cook?" I blurted. Soujirou looked up at me from the eggs and then stirred them with the tip of his chopsticks.

"We once had a maid," he explained. "When I wasn't busying myself being a _murderer_, I watched her cook and though finding it quite strange, the young lady took pity and taught me what she knew."

I felt ashamed, 19 years old and unable to cook for my own husband. And what was my excuse? I grew up in a loving home, with a mother, a father and a doting Megumi.

_Pathetic. _

_Disgraceful._

"Soujirou, I—

"—you must be hungry," Soujirou smiled at me and before I could protest, he was brining over a plate full of eggs, freshly cooked salmon, rice and miso. My mouth watered at the sight, but still, I felt unnerved.

"Let me apologize," I said firmly.

"Why?" Soujirou bent and picked up the spilled cup of tea, blotting at the dampened space with a dry rag. "Why apologize, Kaoru-chan? I've had time to think and… we can't help what we feel, now can we?"

"No," I thought of Soujirou's soft kiss and the intensity of the one before. "We can't."

Soujirou seemed to catch me thinking, and sat beside me with a heavy sigh. "I'm a man, Kaoru-chan, and I feel certain things for you I can't deny. But at the same time, I can't very well make you return those feelings, can I?"

His smile was accompanied by a little chuckle that made my heart ache. _Was he really telling the truth_, I wondered. Did he feel for me? In the way a husband feels for a wife?

"I couldn't boil water without burning the pot," I whispered.

Soujirou turned to face me, a curious smile on his lips. "Kaoru-chan?"

"That's only one of the million reasons why…I couldn't be a good mother."

"You're worried about being a good mother?" Soujirou's eyes searched mine intently.

"I couldn't be. I'm not good at motherly things. I couldn't prepare their lunches or keep my patience when they cry…" I shook my head, frustrated with myself. They were selfish, self-serving reasons, but I felt scared. Having children meant growing up, and I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

"-But what about when children aren't crying or making messes, Kaoru?" Soujirou's warm laugh brought me back to reality. "What about being there for their first smile, their first words, baby teeth falling out, fixing little cuts and scrapes and meaning the world to them?"

Listening to him talk was soothing – like cool water against my skin. Before I knew it, I'd leaned in and laid my head to rest on Soujirou's shoulder. I'd forgotten how much I'd begun to love his touch. His smell. His…everything.

"I suppose…" I suppressed my smile and looked down into my teacup. There was a single stalk standing upright in the clear, green fluid.

'_Good luck omen,'_ I thought, wistfully.

I took a bite of egg and fingered the rim of the cup thoughtfully. Maybe the tea was right…and maybe Soujirou was too.

"I'd never considered myself to be a traditional man, and the last thing I wanted to do was make it seem as though I'd given you some sort of ultimatum." Soujirou smiled down at me as I started to sip the warm liquid.

'_God, he can even make simple green tea taste incredible!'_

"But I can't help myself around you, Kaoru-chan. You may see things differently, but you've affected my life in such a interesting way."

The cup quivered in my hands.

"Besides, I don't think I could live without your kisses," he whispered the last bit into my ear, and I nearly choked on the tea.

"Don't say things like that," I spluttered, but Soujirou just laughed and held me closer.

"What I mean to say is that…well…" he cupped my face in his hands, sending a tingling warmth radiating through my body. "All I need is you, Kaoru-chan. Besides, you cry and fuss quite a bit, anyway. Just like a child."

"Soujirou-sama!" I pushed from his arms, unable to fight the smile quickly encroaching upon my lips. I knew he hated the honorific, and felt comfortable falling back into the tease. I did my best to wriggle out of his lap, but Soujirou caught me swiftly around the waist, leaving me to scramble on my and knees. It wasn't anything close to dignified, but as we scuffled gently together, I was reminded of my younger days at the dojo, getting into squabbles with petulant little boys.

"Stop it! You're too heavy!" I spluttered out through a laugh that made Soujirou snort. I tried to shuffle my knees along the tatami, but with Soujirou's weight on top of me and the kimono restricting my moves, I didn't get very far.

"Where are you going, lover?" He chuckled into my ear, holding me close. "We haven't made up properly yet."

At the sound of the word "lover," I became all too aware of my racing heart and Soujirou's weight holding me in place. He grabbed playfully for my wrists, but all I could feel was his strong chest pressing into my back.

"Properly?" I asked. Before I could correct it, my voice came out sounding breathier than I'd wanted it to. Soujirou's body went tense and his breathing deepened.

I knew I should have made a move to pull away, but found myself frozen.

"This is..." I could practically _feel _Soujirou smiling against my ear. "Quite an odd position we've gotten ourselves into."

I swallowed hard and gave a little nod. Soujirou slid away from me as quickly as he'd come, and I relaxed onto the tatami, turning over on my back. Though Soujirou tried to joke away the tension, I couldn't stop thinking about the way his body had molded perfectly against mine.

'_Mou…'_ I sighed, thinking. _'If I don't get a hold of myself, there really will be a baby coming!'_

I couldn't stop the blush from setting my cheeks aflame, and Soujirou eyed me curiously.

"You look flushed," he touched my cheek. "Perhaps you'd like some more tea? Water, maybe?"

"Um…" I mumbled, unsure of myself. "I think that…I think actually, I'd like to take a bath. Yes, a bath."

Soujirou raised a brow, but then nodded before gathering my empty plate and heading for the kitchen.

What were we doing together, I wondered. The flirtatious touches, the kisses…they meant something, didn't they? I chewed my lip. I couldn't deny it – they certainly meant something to _me._ There was no way I could get that close to a man and not feel a stirring in my heart, no matter what he'd done over the years.

And yet, I worried.

Soujirou seemed heartfelt, but he was older- more experienced. What if he'd gone through the motions with a younger girl like me before? Maybe, to him it wasn't even about a child. But instead, sex. Something to take his mind off the situation he was in. A few quick rolls in the hay with a young girl who didn't know any better and let her mind drift away with thoughts of babies.

_'Shut up!'_ I told myself, angrily. Week after week, Soujirou had been nothing but sweet and hospitable to me. He was trying to make things work, and if that was his goal, it would be mine as well.

Heart swelling with pride, I pulled back the wooden lid of the ofuro. The water was still hot, as usual, but clouded slightly with a familiar bath salt. As I inhaled, I took in the fresh, forest scent that was Soujirou. Though he usually bathed first, Soujirou always took care to drain, refill and rewarm the water afterward. It was a waste and contrary to the sharing most families did, but before that moment, I'd never seen what Soujirou and I had together as anything close to a family life. Two months ago I would have fumed and sulked, but now…

My body warmed. Soujirou had bathed first, and I would have the privilege of soaking in after him. To feel his very essence _penetrate_ me…

'_Oh stop it, you letch!'_ I shook my head to clear the pesky thoughts.

Smiling to myself, I hurried through scrubbing outside the bath and plunged with delight into the heated water. I could feel it hydrating my parched skin and easing stiffness from my joints.

"Kaoru-chan?"

Before I knew it, there was a knock at the door, and I shot up immediately in the water. What felt like mere minutes was sure to have been at least an hour, and I could see the skin on my hands pruning against the abuse.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Kaoru-chan, but we have visitors," Soujirou's smooth voice caused goose pimples to appear on my skin.

When I didn't answer right away, there was another, firmer knock.

"Kaoru-chan?" Soujirou's voice was full of laughter. "You haven't fallen asleep in there, have you?"

"N-no!" I covered my chest as I stepped out of the bath, even though I knew Soujirou couldn't see me through the frosted glass.

"You can never be serious, can you?" I ribbed him as I dried off as quickly as possible. I wasn't sure who he visitors were, but the last thing I wanted to do was cause Soujirou shame in my appearance.

"Believe me," Soujirou seemed to be closer to the door as he spoke. I paused in running a brush through my damp locks.

The way he spoke, there was something sinful in a tone like that.

"I can be quite serious when the situation calls for it," he said, easily, leaving me standing, staring into the mirror against the wall.

'_Pervert.'_

After donning a new kimono and a touch of blush to my cheeks, I met Soujirou in the living room. My hair was still damp and resting over my shoulders, but I had no time to wait anxiously for it to dry. As soon as I saw who the visitors were, however, I began to wish I had.

Misao, and Tomoe were seated in our living area while Soujirou and the husbands conversed idly, away from them. Upon seeing me, Soujirou smiled warmly and ushered me over.

Barely made up and still flushed from the overindulgent bath, I felt self-conscious under their gazes.

"Good afternoon, Himura-san, Shinomori-san." I bowed low and smiled politely, though fidgeting all the while. Soujirou put a hand on the small of my back, as if to ease my discomfort, and I went red.

"She really is as formal as you said," The taller one, Shinomori-san, remarked with a wry smile. The teasing made me even redder, and I was thankful to see the shorter redhead laugh to dispel some of the tension.

"Don't mind him, Kaoru-dono," his smile was warm and nonthreatening. "I'm the same. But regardless, you can certainly call me Kenshin…and this is Aoshi." He gestured back towards Shinomori-san.

Though I knew I most likely wouldn't take the advice, I smiled brightly and bowed again in thanks.

"Ah, Soujirou, what could you have done to deserve such a beauty?" Kenshin teased Soujirou, who, strangely enough, looked at little embarrassed.

"Oh you know me," He chuckled and gave my hand a squeeze. "Nothing good."

I imagined I was about as red as a tomato at that point.

"Well, I certainly wish you both much luck and fertility." Aoshi finally seemed to relax, and nodded in our direction.

"Thank you, Shinomori-san." I looked to Soujirou awkwardly, but he reassured me with another smile. Kenshin seemed to see the bit of uneasiness between us, and worked quickly once again to dispel it.

"Ah, you must want to see our wives! Please go ahead, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin nodded and waved me towards Tomoe and Misao.

Grateful for the distraction, I the two women with a polite smile, sucking in a deep breath to brace myself. It was at that moment, however, I noticed that Misao was pregnant. It had been a while since we'd last seen each other, and I couldn't get over how much more mature she seemed. With a little extra weight on her face and around the middle, her entire essence was warm and motherly.

'_Was it that easy?'_ I wondered. _'Does it __**really**__ come so easily?'_

"Congratulations!" I clasped my hands together and put on my biggest smile. Though I knew the two couldn't stand me, I would do my best. For Soujirou.

"Thank you, Kaoru-chan," Misao rubbed her stomach in small, slow circles. "I think it'll be my first girl."

'_My first girl…'_ I thought on the words as I offered her a pillow for comfort. Misao didn't look much older than I was, and already she had more than one child.

"We'll see in a few months," Misao added, shaking me from my daze. I nodded dumbly, and found Tomoe looking at me with kind eyes. It was shocking, to say the least.

"Kaoru …may we speak in private?" She asked quietly. Misao seemed determined as well, and I could only go along with the plan. Cautiously, I led them out to the garden and made sure I was able to keep an eye on Soujirou's back from the doorway. The more visible I was, the better, I thought.

"Kaoru," Tomoe broke the awkward silence. "We'd like to apologize for our behavior."

I was taken back by their simultaneous bows, Misao's a little clumsier with the extra weight around her tummy.

"Really?" I smiled.

"Of course!" Misao jumped in.

"We were far less than hospitable to you. We know personally how hard it is to live with a man you know little about, but at the same time, so arrogant to assume anything about your situation. At least Kenshin and I were childhood friends." Tomoe bowed her head in shame.

I took a seat in the grass, and though awkwardly, they both followed suit.

"And Aoshi and I at least had several weeks together before we wed," Misao covered my hand with hers. "You and Soujirou-san—"

"—It's…all right. All is forgiven," I drew away, embarrassed. I didn't need to be reminded of the unsavory terms of my marriage of Soujirou. Things were better now, and all I wanted was to move on.

"So…" Misao fidgeted and I could tell she had a question on the tip of her tongue. I sighed to myself and chuckled.

"_So?_" I pressed.

"How are you and things between you and Soujirou-san?" Tomoe decided to take charge, though Misao looked peeved. I could only imagine what the younger girl had planned on asking me.

I thought back to the terrible argument we'd had a week ago and the make up this morning. It was so strange how we'd come back into our own so quickly.

"Things are…nice," I said, and it made me smile to know it wasn't _too much_ of a lie. Soujirou still went out at nights, but as long as I could block it from my mind – as long as he was present with his teasing laugh and smiling face every morning, things really were going just fine.

"And sexually?" Misao blurted. My eyes widened and I thought I might choke on my own saliva. Tomoe gave her sister a sharp rap on the head with her knuckles and scowled.

"Misao!" she hissed.

"Ow…" Misao nursed her sore head with both hands. "Oh come on, Tomoe-nee…you know you're curious as well!"

I looked to Tomoe with alarm, but she didn't return my gaze. Instead, her cheeks began to take on a deep, pink flush.

I clenched my fists in my lap and had to do my best to keep from letting my gaze wander to Soujirou's back again. If I did, I knew my uneasiness would only grow.

"Why…pray tell are you both so interested in a lewd thing like that?" I took on my most rigid tone.

_'Lewd? Oh please! Like what you were thinking about in the bath earlier?'_ My thoughts nagged.

"It's not anything like that…" Misao spoke as her older sister continued to color. "It's just …people in the community are beginning to talk. You might think it early, but really, Kaoru-chan, most women are expecting their first child by this time. You and Soujirou-san have been together for months!" She exclaimed, but after a quick glare, lowered her voice.

"Sorry…I…" Misao started again, uneasy. "I realize it's a touchy subject, but you two come from such great wealth. Haven't you gotten used to all the watchful eyes?"

I lowered my head, thinking about the hushed whispers Soujirou and I would endure when we used to go out together. Even the simplest of errands would draw comments about my kimono choices, or lack of makeup and poise.

But now this? My intimate life with Soujirou was under scrutiny as wel?

"Even as a Kamiya I never endured this," I confessed. "Or maybe back then I was too consumed by childish things to worry."

Tomoe laid a hand to rest on top of mine and shifted closer.

"Kaoru-chan…forgive me for this insensitivity, but…is it that you're unable to conceive?"

Her hand tightened up around mine and when I looked into her eyes, I saw great warmth and care. It wasn't like one of the false pretenses I'd grown accustomed to from outsiders, or even close to the lying smile Soujirou's stepmother would put on when she came to visit him. For once, it was something real.

"No, it's not that," I admitted.

"Then…Soujirou-san?" Misao prodded. I could feel myself getting hot again, and couldn't stop the thought of Soujirou's body curled over mine from surfacing.

"No! I—I mean, I don't _really_ know I...we—

"—Kaoru-chan!" Misao's eyes went wide as if she'd suddenly become enlightened. "Have you and Soujirou-san not…never…you two haven't—

I kept my head bowed low, and noticed Tomoe's hands begin to stroke at my forearms.

"Oh darling…" she chuckled. "However is this so? Soujirou seems like a passionate man…"

I could barely restrain a yelp. "Soujirou" and "passionate" in the same sentence didn't exactly make for good daytime thoughts.

"But it's been months!" Misao exclaimed again, and I had to resist the urge to put her into a choke hold. From the house, I caught Soujirou give me a smile over his shoulder, and quickly hid my face.

"Soujirou is a man and I'm sure he has those interests, but…" I turned my nose up to hide my embarrassment.

"So you're denying him?" Tomoe took my chin between her thumb and forefinger, then tilted my face down to hers. "Why? Because you're scared?"

I didn't respond.

"We've all been at this point, Kaoru-chan, but what you're doing…it can ruin a marriage."

I grimaced and felt like turning away completely. So that was it? It all came back down to duty?

"Why? Because I won't lie on my back and let him use me?" I spat. Misao gasped.

"Is that really what you see it as?" she stared at me in disbelief, and for once I didn't have an answer.

"Sweet child…" Tomoe's smile was warm again, totally disarming, the way Kenshin's had been in the sitting area. They were made for each other I thought.

"Silly child…" she continued. "Making love is as essential to a marriage as conversation, patience and understanding. It's not about taking and using, but giving."

"Giving…?" I thought of the trip I'd taken with Soujirou to the market so long ago and his talk of rosebushes.

"Don't be afraid, Kaoru-chan." Misao moved closer and hugged me close. I could feel her tummy pressing against my side, and the sheer warmth made me want to cry.

As if on its own accord, my hand slipped out from between them and moved toward her stomach. Misao caught sight and placed it there herself.

"Soon, Soujirou could give to you something as beautiful as this," she grinned.

"But...but…" my breath began to come in quick, startled pants. "But what if I don't wan—

Tomoe covered my trembling lips with a finger.

"Love comes first," she said simply. "Whatever happens, love comes first."

I let myself relax in her arms, and into a hug. For a moment, it was if I had my mother back. Sweet-smelling, sweet-tempered mother with the advice you never wanted, but always needed.

"Thank you," I managed. "Thank you."

* * *

"I see Misao and Tomoe were respectable to you today." I watched Soujirou smile as he as he prepared the futon for bed. It was another thing I should have been doing, but at the same time, would never protest about. The whole day had been very exhausting, and if he wanted to continue to pamper me, the last thing I wanted to do was resist.

"They were," I couldn't help but blush as I thought back to our discussion, and I was glad to know Soujirou wouldn't be able to make it out in the dim lighting.

"They actually apologized for their behavior," I pulled my hair into a hand and smiled as Soujirou raised his brows. He seemed just as surprised as I'd been.

"That's lovely. You'll be in peace for a while." He smirked through a yawn, and made a stretch towards the ceiling. It was oddly boyish, I thought, and couldn't help but find the action charming. Soujirou ruffled his hair a little and waited for me to slide into the futon first.

It was then, I noticed something.

"Something wrong?" Soujirou furrowed his brow and did a sweep across the room with his gaze, intent on finding some disturbance.

"Um no I…" I cursed myself for stammering. "I just noticed that…that tonight well…"

"Hm?" Soujirou really did seem confused.

"It's the first time we've been to bed together at the same time," the rest of my statement came out in a rush, and I looked to Soujirou for a reaction.

He tilted his head down with a chuckle. "You're right. I suppose it's a little sad, but…you're right."

I didn't ask why Soujioru didn't seem to have a job that night, and he offered nothing up about it.

"Let's make the best of it, hmm?" Soujioru smiled, and seemed genuinely unaware of the implication.

"Y-yes." I slid under the soft sheets, but instead of turning around to let my back face Soujirou as usual, remained still.

"Kaoru-chan?" Soujirou tucked himself in beside me and leaned in close to inspect my face. "Are you sure everything's all right?"

His hand cupped my cheek, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the warm, rough callous of his fingertips combined with such a gentle touch.

_Would it really be so bad…if he touched me like that all over?_

"Kaoru?"

I became aware of myself and flushed.

"No, I just wanted to say…wanted to say…. " I took a deep breath. "Your kisses. I feel the same about your kisses."

Soujirou smiled again, but this time in confusion.

"Today. Earlier, I mean, you said you couldn't live without my kisses and…" Boldly, I slipped a shaking hand between us, and under the fold of his gi.

"I feel the same," I said.

I could feel Soujirou's warm skin and the beating of his heart beneath my palm. Tomoe said that when the time was right, it was important to be sweet and encouraging if Soujirou responded to me lustfully, but for some reason, this wasn't the same. I wasn't sure what the right time would be, and Soujioru wasn't responding in any way at all.

"I'm…glad." Smiling, he removed my hand and kissed the fingertips before laying it to rest back at my side.

I felt oddly rejected, but steeled my reserve and tried again. Maybe…maybe he didn't understand?

"Souji?" I moved closer so that he could feel my breath on his cheek. Soujirou kept his eyes closed, but made a low, "hm?" noise in his throat.

"Well, I…I wanted to say that well, in addition to that I…I... Um, you can…" Unsure of how to finish, I tried again with my hand. This time, a little lower.

"Kaoru-chan!"

The way Soujirou said my name made my heart race. His voice sounded so husky, so masculine, it reminded me of the first time we'd kissed. _Really_ kissed. He'd held me close in that same way and I'd felt…

"Mmm?" My response came out as more of a moan than anything, and I heard Soujirou's sharp intake of breath.

"For the love of God…" he buried his face in my neck, then my hair, breathing deep. "Go…" he nipped the lobe of my ear with his teeth and chuckled, low. "…to _sleep_."

* * *

**AN**: Souji's so good with restraint. lol! ;p


	8. When Love is Like Lavender

**Title: Bearing Blue**

**Chapter eight: When love is like lavender**

**AN: **God, this chapter took me so long to edit! Why? I don't even know! lol, okay... that's a lie. Things veered off quite a bit from the original chapter 8, so much so that I think most of the other chapters will strongly be effected. But that's the fun, right? Seeing old mistakes or weak points and getting to go back and take another crack at it. Another chance to create interesting scenarios. Anyway, my summer semester ended a little bit ago and I moved into my fall dorm (4 flights of stairs, I'm on the 4th floor, and no elevator! carrying all my stuff up was terrrrrible!), so I should have way more free time to update regularly. (or be...you know, lazy. lol)

As usual, I love you guys so much it's insane. Your reviews, favs, etc., keep me going! I really hope that you enjoy this chapter, and if it sucks, let me know! :)

Oooh, and I wish you lots of luck revising your own story, **Chocoberry**! Thank you so much for your sweet review.

**flaming-amber**: I totally planned on some lime action in this chapter, but it was running long and didn't mesh properly. So sad! But I can promise that citrusy goodness will be coming soon. Very soon. And I'll enjoy every minute of writing it. haha**  
**

* * *

The very next morning, I woke up alone. Though I tried to convince myself I wasn't disappointed, thoughts of rising to chirping birds and strong arms drove me mad with a childish desire. He'd held me so close the night before, and I missed it far more than I thought I would.

Humming ever so softly, I rolled over to Soujirou's side of the futon and inhaled scent on the pillow. So fresh and clean, but distinctly masculine. It took me right back to the night before.

'_Kaoru-chan!'_ I shivered, remembering how close he'd been – how raw and intense he sounded. Never in my life had I been so intimate with a man. Never until Soujirou. Though the thought of his "work" and bearing children into the mess sent shivers down my spine, but then again…so did imagining his hands on my hips.

'_Damn you…'_ I thought bitterly as I turned over onto my stomach in the futon. I'd had sinful thoughts and desires occasionally in my lifetime, but this was different. Now, for some reason, just the thought of Soujirou made my skin flush – my heart race. And when I closed my eyes and dwelled on those thoughts – let them take me away to daydreams, I'd wake back to reality with a pleasantly warm feeling in my tummy, but an embarrassing ache between my thighs.

It was a strange thing to want satisfaction, but at the same time fear it.

'_Mou…'_ And the worst thing was, even when Soujirou had denied me, the night before he'd managed to do it in the most enticing way possible.

That low, dark voice against my neck …

But why did he do it, anyway? I wondered. Had I come off too desperate?

_Maybe I should be shy and demure about it the way Tomoe mentioned… _

"Why is this so hard?" Just as I let out my groan of frustration, bedroom shoji slid open.

"Mn? What's hard?" He crouched to my level and inspected my face. With Soujirou close, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. Sometimes he really had no idea how much his presence effected me.

"Too close!" I squeaked, but my protest only seemed to make Soujirou happier. As I squirmed away under the sheets, I wondered for a moment if he was one of those men I'd heard girls speak about in low tones at tea ceremonies. The ones who got hot and bothered when you told them "no."

'_Hmm…'_

"I thought you liked me close," he teased, and I stopped trying to roll out of bed. Instead, I turned my face away and put on my best, innocent pout.

"You're taking advantage of me," I gave him doe eyes and Soujirou let out a humored scoff.

"Well-well, my apologies." He pulled away with a smile and straightened up. "Come on, Kaoru-chan. It's time to wake up."

Huffing a little, I turned over on my back and stared at the ceiling. "Why? Are there errands?"

Soujirou chuckled. "Do you ever _do_ errands?"

I grabbed one of the buckwheat pillows to throw at him, but as usual, Soujirou was far too fast for me. Before I knew it, he had both my hands in his. It was then, as I stared dumbly, that I noticed his difference in dress. Instead of his usual blue gi and white hakama, Soujirou was dressed in black training clothes with a white sash. I studied him for the moment and smiled. The image made me think of years I'd spent with my father, going over drills in the dojo for hours on end.

"Oh… so are you going out to train somewhere?" I let my hands fall from Soujirou's and laid back, admiring him from below.

"_I'm_ not going out to train somewhere…" Soujirou grabbed me by the waist and hoisted me into his arms. "**We** are!"

"A-ara? Ara! Put me down!" I squirmed as Soujirou turned me over in his arms like some sort of toy. For someone who looked so lean and boyish, he really was strong!

"You're so light…" Soujirou murmured as he ignored my protests. "Are you sure you've been eating my breakfasts?"

I started to answer, but then administered a stiff punch to his shoulder when he continued down the hall. What had gotten into Soujirou? It wasn't as though I didn't appreciate the close contact, but he was being so-so…unnaturally carefree! And on top of that, he just had to make mention of the fact that since my initial breakfast screw-up, I hadn't made a decent meal in months!

"What are you doing?" I fumed. "Have you gone mad?"

Soujirou finally stopped in front of the bathroom, and lowered me onto my feet. "Gee, you really are mouthy in the mornings," he grinned. "Don't ask so many questions. Just change."

"But…" I opened my mouth to protest, and Soujirou seized the opportunity to lean forward and press his lips to mine. Instantly, I felt my cheeks growing hot, but didn't resist. I'd slowly become accustomed to his kisses, and welcomed the warm, sensual contact.

"Just change." He stroked my cheek.

That was all it took. Still blushing faintly, I gave Soujirou a pout and disappeared into the bathroom. As I examined the clothes, I couldn't help but hold them close to reminisce. It brought me right back to my childhood, and that, combined with Soujirou's distinct smell, brought me closer to heaven.

'_Stop acting like an obsessed little kid!_' I scolded myself and leaned against the door. I could feel Soujirou's presence faintly and knew he was waiting close by, so hurried through my dress.

The outfit was much larger than I thought it would be, but I remedied that as best I could with a few hairpins and strategically placed knots. Instead of wearing the hakama as usual, I rolled up the legs to my thighs and pinned them under. I knew it was downright scandalous, but I couldn't resist the part of me wanted to tease Soujirou. Since we'd been married, I don't think he'd ever even seen my bare legs up from the ankles.

'_Heh. Now he'll feel really stupid about denying me.'_

After slipping on a pair of flatbottomed sandals, I took great care in pulling my hair into a ponytail. It felt so nice to have the weight off my shoulders, and to finally see more of my face. More of a person I was familiar with. I smiled a little at the reflection. This was who I wanted to be…not a high-class housewife.

Was Soujirou trying to show me that?

"Okay, I'm dressed!" I called out and opened the door. Soujirou took a step back and observed me, silent.

I watched with great glee as the cocky smile disappeared from his lips. As I'd expected, his gaze lingered on my smooth, bare legs and though he tried to hide it, a soft pink tinged his cheeks.

"You…you really took liberties with the clothes, didn't you?" he rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous little laugh I found endearing.

"They were a bit big. I just made everything more comfortable." I put one hand on my hip and shifted a bit so that the hakama hiked up a little more. I wasn't experienced with seduction, but if a little skin was all it took…

"Are you sure that's comfortable?" Soujirou's blush spread to his neck and I grinned wider.

"Why?" I shifted from foot to foot, quickly. "It's really easy to move around!"

Soujirou's eyes dropped to my chest, and all of a sudden I remembered I'd forgotten to bind my breasts. Even after I'd pinned back Soujirou's loose top, the v-neck was still too deep and open. I'd wanted to be a little teasing, yes, but not give a whole jiggling peep show!

Now the red one, I clasped the front shut with my hands and watched Soujirou smirk. His eyes became dark and intense again.

"Kaoru-chan…" he hummed near my ear as he passed. "You really should be careful."

'_Careful?'_ I was at a loss for words, but Soujirou just continued his slow stroll down the hall.

"Sou…" I started, but Soujirou grabbed me back by the wrist.

"—come along already, won't you?" he chuckled.

Soujirou grabbed up two katana from the chest in the hall closet and continued to drag me out of the house. Together we walked through the backyard, past the flower garden, and into a cleared space. I'd never seen that part of the estate before, and was taken aback by the vastness. The hard, sand training ground seemed to be surrounded with what looked like acres of land.

"_Big_, isn't it?" Soujirou murmured in my ear. I was red in seconds.

"It's all right." I refused to look him in the eye, and instead, huffing I grabbed for the sword.

"Not yet," he laid both to rest in the grass.

"What do you mean, 'not yet'?" I asked, bumping into Soujirou as I turned around.

"Well, it's been a long while since you've sparred, hasn't it? We should warm up!" Soujirou smiled at me, and I couldn't help but think he looked far too cheery.

"Soujirou …" I groaned.

"Ten laps around!" He stretched his arms to the sky and gave me a hearty pat on the back. I lurched forward and yelped. Even the little smack sent my breasts threatening to spill from the top.

"Soujirou-sama—

"—okay, twenty!" Soujirou's smile widened. "My-my, you're really very spunky, kaoru-chan!"

He pulled me back by his side and pointed out in the distance to a well between a clustering of rosebushes.

"There and back, twenty times," he whispered in my ear, and I swallowed hard.

For someone so oblivious, he sure had a way of driving me crazy.

"Fine, okay, just—

Before I could finish my sentence, Soujirou took off, leaving a trail of sand in his wake. I barely registered the movement, and just as I took my stance, he was back by my side, starting another lap.

'_What the hell…'_ my eyes widened_. 'he's so…'_

"Kaoru-chan!" Soujirou called out at me on the third lap. "Are you alight? Why haven't you started?"

Huffing, I tore the pins out of the bottom of my hakama and used them to fasten the top together. Now wasn't the time for seduction. Even if Soujirou had been training for years, I wasn't going to lie down and get trampled over. The least I could do was put up a proper fight!

"I'm fine!" I bolted off in a sprint towards the roses and never once looked back. Though Soujirou lapped me several more times, I couldn't help but love the way the wind felt against my face, and how my ponytail whipped about lazily in the air.

Without thinking, a smile settled on my features, and even as I made the twentieth lap, panting and sweating, it stayed glued.

"You're glowing," Soujirou remarked from his spot in the grass. He didn't look as if he'd even broken a sweat, let alone run twenty laps at an inhuman speed.

I, on the other hand, had soaked my training uniform through, and could feel fatigue starting to settle into my limbs.

"Glowing?" I pressed my hands to my cheeks, wondering if that's what he meant, but Soujirou just tilted his head and smiled at me.

"I've never known a woman like you before," he spoke almost dreamily. "No matter what, you never stop. Always fighting."

I turned away, feeling embarrassed. "Please don't just sit there and flatter me," I scolded him with a little smile. "We should start now, right?"

Soujirou hopped to his feet and tossed me my sword. "Right! Let's see what you know about defense."

"W-what?" I just barely caught the heavy weapon. "Souijrou, I thought you were joking with these. I've never used a sword. This-this is much too dangerous!"

Soujirou unsheathed his sword and gave it look over. "Dangerous? No…I don't think so. I trust you'll take the proper care necessary to prevent harm."

'_Are you insane?'_ I wanted to shout, but held my tongue. I'd never used a sword in my life, and to do so sparring against someone as fast and experienced as Soujirou? What if I made a mistake?

"Soujirou-sama…" my voice wavered and when I looked up, Soujirou was at my side.

"All right, don't start calling me that again," Soujirou drew my sword for me, and then dragged it across his wrist in a quick, slashing moment.

"Soujirou!" I screamed, trying to stop him, but when I grabbed at his wrist, saw not even a cut or bruise.

"W-wha?"

"This isn't the sword I gave you, nor the one I use regularly. Look." he showed me the edge, dull against the sunlight. "They've been intentionally made blunt. The only difference from this and a shinai is the weight. So don't hold back okay?" he chuckled.

Once again, I struggled to restrain myself. Soujirou had scared me half to death with that little prank!

"Okay," I nodded, full pout on my lips.

"Then let's begin." Soujirou walked across the hard sand field and stood at one end, waiting for me. Almost hesitantly, I took a spot a good distance away from him, and awaited his instruction.

"Don't be afraid to repeat after me." Soujirou smiled, taking great amusement in my innocence. He drew his sword and held it lengthwise.

"Watch the way I unsheathe my sword. Hold the blade still, pull out slowly and keep the cutting edge from facing down."

He spoke gently while re-sheathing his own sword slowly and unsheathing it once more. Looking down at my hands, I drew the sword, but ended up dragging the edge along my thumb. I hoped Soujirou wouldn't notice, but he was watching like a hawk.

"Careful," he came up from behind and looked over my shoulder. "If the sword was sharp, you could have sliced your thumb clean off!"

I colored, but let Soujirou place his hands over mine and guide me.

"Easy…" he aligned my hands on the sheath again.

"Like this?" I murmured softly, making sure he felt the way I pushed my backside into him. It wasn't exactly what Tomoe had advised, but still.

Soujirou didn't answer at first, just leaned in as if he wanted to make a move, but then drew back.

"Yes." He finally stepped away from me. "That's perfect."

I rolled my eyes a little at his non-reaction, but then turned my attention back to the sword.

"Okay, well this should be similar to the sparring you're used to. Don't think about the sword, or the weight or anything like that, really. Just concentrate on the feel of movement, and blocking my strikes." Soujirou smiled, but seemed very serious.

I could only imagine he saw the nervousness on my face, because he quickly spoke to reassure me.

"Don't fret, Kaoru-chan. I just want you to relax. The point of today is just…I want you to know how to protect yourself to the best of your abilities. Do you understand?"

Our gazes met with purpose. "I understand."

"Good," he signaled for me to sheathe my sword, and we both crouched into a ready stance. I didn't see Soujirou as being the kind of man who took it easy on a woman, so I prepared myself for the consequences.

We bowed to each other, slow, but started immediately. Soujirou was far faster at unsheathing, though I pushed myself to keep up. Once again, I bruised my thumb against the dull blade and dropped the sheath in the grass.

'_Oh no,'_ I looked up and took a quick step back. Soujirou didn't hesitate for a moment, coming at me with great speed.

However, I could see immediately that it wasn't his best. I was surprised by how easy to see his movements were, and he was holding his weapon in an almost lazy fashion. It made me angry to know that he wasn't taking me as seriously as I'd expected, so I lunged with all the force I had.

'_I'll show you!'_ I thought, swinging my blade down as if it was a shinai. I didn't care about the steel. All I wanted was to make him hurt. My lips curved into a smile, but all it took was a blink. One blink, and Soujirou disappeared from before my eyes.

"Huh?"

"You seem mad, Kaoru-chan. You can't win anything by relying on pure anger." Soujirou appeared behind me once more, grinning like the Cheshire cat. I whirled around to strike, but he blocked it easily with the sword sheath. I hadn't even noticed that he was still holding it. Grunting softly, he threw me off and I lost my balance, tumbling into the dirt.

The sword threatened to slip from my fingers, but I kept a firm grip around the hilt. All of a sudden I could see my father standing over me, a wry smile on his lips.

'_I thought you wanted me to teach you because you said you'd be better than the boys.'_ He teased me.

'_But father—_

'_-get off your back and do what I've taught you,'_ he extended his arm toward me and I shut my eyes.

As soon as I opened them, I saw Soujirou leaning over me, concern and pity in his gaze.

"Kaoru-chan…" he let go of his sword and searched me for injury. "I'm sorry. I was too forceful, wasn't—hngh!"

I swung my foot up easily and landed a kick square in Soujirou's gut. He was obviously taken back, but instead of flying into the dirt, merely skidded across on his feet.

"Don't underestimate me," I said firmly. "If you're going to teach me, do it. Maybe you'll learn a thing or two as well."

I wiped a smear of blood from my scratched elbow, and stood straight with my sword at my side. Next to my foot, I could see Soujirou's weapon clearly. He was left defenseless.

"My mistake," Soujirou followed my gaze to the sword, carefully. "I'll be sure not to take it easy on you any more, _dear wife_."

My cheeks colored. Soujirou only meant it as a tease, but I certainly didn't need to be reminded that I had been far less than a lady in the marriage. While I fussed with my thoughts, Soujirou disappeared from my line of sight once more.

"Oh no you don't!" I lunged for the sword, but Soujirou was faster, kicking up sand in my view as he moved.

It amazed me how quick and composed Soujirou was. Looking at his face, I couldn't tell when or where he was going to strike. I couldn't read him at all, and it infuriated me.

'_I won't lose!' _

"Kaoru!" Soujirou's voice shook me from my daze.

I looked up in awe and saw him running for me, sword poised straight for my chest. There was no way I could strike back in time, but I hoped only for a chance at parrying. Soujirou disappeared and I dropped to my knees in the dirt. I knew he would come from straight ahead, and lifted my sword above my head at the last possible moment.

The resulting clash of steel and weight seemed deafening, but I could only smile. I'd managed to do the thing I never thought I could! But still, it wasn't over.

"You're letting your guard down!" Soujirou avoided using his blade, and instead pushed his shoulder into mine. I almost landed in the dirt again, but instead pushed off with my hand and rolled back over into a standing position.

Lightening fast, we both managed to strike at each other, but Soujirou was predictably more intense. The force alone of his attack had me crying out in pain. I saw the wince on his face and look of guilt in his eyes, but still, he kept coming. There's no way I could let him win by taking it easy on me.

"You have to brace yourself against an opponent you've never sparred with before," Soujirou said firmly as I gasped out for breath. My palms were red and bruised; I could only nod in response.

"Stick with what you know, regardless of what I do!" He ran at me again and I narrowly avoided the attack. I was running out of breath and knew I wouldn't be able to keep up the pace for much longer. _Why was it that I had failed so quickly? Did it only take a few months to lose sight of everything my father taught me?_

In a last ditch effort to get a hit in, I wielded my sword like a shinai and ran at him full speed. Soujirou didn't move, but when I started to bring it down at his arm, he kicked my legs out from underneath me in one, swift motion.

"No!" I screamed out, not wanting to lie down and take the hit. Soujirou just smiled and prepared to tap me with the blunt blade, but I lashed out, violently.

'_I won't lose! I won't lose!'_

"Kaoru stop!" Soujirou dropped my weapon and seized my hands in his. "You've done well. There's no need for a panic."

"No! Just give me a chance you stupid fuck!" I shouted before I could stop myself, and Soujirou's eyes went wide. He let go of my hands, slowly, and I struggled to catch my breath. My heart was racing, and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

"I…I'm sorry," I shook my head, staring at the ground. "I don't know what got into me. That kind of language…"

"It's okay." Soujirou kneeled in the sand and cupped my face in his hands. His hair was a little mussed, but he still had that same, calm, smile on his lips. "Sometimes these sort of battles bring out strong emotions."

"I wanted so badly to win!" I clenched my fists together. "When I was a kid, I-I never lost to anyone at the dojo."

"It wasn't a fight," Soujirou brushed the hair that had slipped from my ponytail out of my face. "Not the kind of fight you mean, anyway. But besides that, you've proved yourself today. Don't you think?"

"I would have felt better if you were the one eating dirt," I pouted, brushing at my soiled hakama.

"I'm sure." He cradled me to him.

We stayed there for a while, just taking in our closeness. Finally, Soujirou took the initiative and brought me to my feet.

"So…what was that thing about me being a…what was it? 'Stupid fuck'?" He smiled at my

"So I have a bit of a temper!" I picked up my sword and slung it over my shoulder, narrowly missing striking Soujirou in the eye.

"And a foul mouth," he tapped my lips with a finger, playfully. "Pretty girls like you shouldn't say things like those."

As we headed back to the house together, I latched on to Soujirou's arm. It was the first time I'd really touched him so affectionately, and I was taken aback by how firm and muscled he was.

"What kind of things _should_ I say?" I gave Soujirou a coy look, but he seemed to be focused on something off in the distance.

"Souji?" I gave his arm a little pinch.

Soujirou scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Hn? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was that you said?"

"Ugh, nothing!" I huffed off into the house by myself. "Nothing at all."

Smiling in spite of me, Soujirou went to prepare the bath and left me to put away the weaponry. I felt uneasy touching the chest again, overcome with dark thoughts about Soujirou's real occupation. He'd been so swift and fast sparring with me. And his eyes…so determined. I wondered if that was what _they_ saw before they died.

'_His victims…'_

"Kaoru-chan, you're all set." Soujirou exited the bathroom with his sleeves rolled up and a grin on his lips, but it quickly faded when he saw me crouched over the chest, staring.

"Kaoru?" he slid to his knees next to me, and when he saw what I was looking at, breathed out a heavy sigh. "Do you want to—

"—let's run away together," I gripped his gi with both hands. "Please, let's just go where they can't find us. That way you'll never have to—

Before I could react, Soujirou pushed me away. It caught me completely off guard and just before my back hit the shoji frame, I felt a sharp stinging in my neck.

"Ahh!" I grasped at the spot and as soon as I pulled my hand back, I caught sight of a fresh smear of wet blood.

I looked up at Soujirou in alarm and found his eyes were narrowed dangerously. He was glaring at a spot over my head, and I could see a wound on his cheek, slim and shallow, trickling blood down the side of his face.

"Oh my god, Soujirou what…" I tried to touch his cheek, but Soujirou nudged me away and scrambled to his feet. Without a word, he grabbed his sword from the hall closet and broke out into a run. He disappeared before I could cry out and left nothing behind but silence. Though I wanted to follow after him, my body remained glued to the floor, paralyzed with fright.

I remained hunched over the chest, quivering and holding a hand to the wound on my neck. It was then, as I slid my gaze across the floor, I caught sight of the offending weapon. It was a slim kunai – so small it disappeared in the palm of my hand. Behind me, I could see what Soujirou had been staring at. The kunai had torn a tiny hole in the shoji before slicing past my neck and Soujirou's cheek. If I'd been sitting upright the way I'd been before he shoved me, it would have gone straight through…

_Straight through my…_

I clutched my neck.

"Soujirou!" I screamed bloody murder and scrambled to my feet. Someone had tried to attack us, and for all I knew, that person was still in the house, trying to kill my husband.

'_My husband…'_

Still fumbling, I grabbed one of the first weapons I saw in the chest – the short sword – and ran down the hall. I'd only had one lesson with Soujirou, but I was ready to fight.

"Soujirou!" I cried out again. The moment I burst through the shoji to see what was going on, however, Soujirou whirled around holding a folded piece of paper.

He was completely alone in the living area, breathing hard, sword on the floor. I looked around, frantically, but saw no sign of a struggle, just an open front door.

"What's going on?" I clutched the kodachi for dear life.

"A visit from mother," Soujirou said darkly.

When it became clear to him that I didn't understand, Soujirou turned to face me completely. He relaxed into a smile for my sake, but I could see the tension in his body. He hesitated, and I closed the distance between us.

"Soujirou, just tell me."

I grabbed hold of his arm again, and Soujirou showed me the note. In crisp calligraphy there was a single line written.

**STOP PLAYING HOUSE WITH THE BITCH AND DO YOUR WORK.**

I cringed, and Soujirou let the paper fall from his hands so that he could cup my face, tenderly. The wound on my neck was still bleeding, and he stroked my hair out of the way to see it better.

"Last night…" his voice was soft. "I was called to do a job but…but I didn't go."

'_Last night?'_ I closed my eyes and thought of the way Soujirou had held me against his chest. So strong and sweet. I'd been curious about his presence at first, but he'd never given me an explanation and all I wanted was him near.

"I got so caught up! I wanted to stay with you, and I thought that…" Soujirou pushed his thumb against the wound, and though it hurt, I knew he was trying to apply enough pressure to stop the bleeding right away.

"Shit," he finished. "All I've done is put you in danger, Kaoru-chan. My family…they don't care if you live or die. It's all about appearances and whether or not we produce an heir! We—

I threw my arms around Soujirou's waist and didn't let him finish. I was fighting the urge to cry, and could only mumble "idiot" into his gi, over and over.

"Kaoru-chan, I think it's time we had a good talk," Soujirou sounded strained, and I shook my head, frantically. I knew what was coming. I just knew he'd want to send me away.

"No. No! I'm not going anywhere!" I shouted.

"Kaoru, please. This is all getting out of hand. I'm thinking of your safety—

"—to hell with safety!" I shouted, for once not caring a thing about how I "proper" I sounded. "If you love me the way I love you, you would never send me away!"

Soujirou's hold on me loosened, and as a silence settled between us, I realized the gravity of my words.

'_If you love me the way I love you…'_

I could feel red spreading over my face and bit back a sob. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, I told myself. He was supposed to let me know how he felt first. I was overemotional and already I'd ruined everything. Humiliated myself.

"No. I'm sorry." I backed frantically out of his arms. "Soujirou-sama I—"

"—Kaoru wait. Give me..." Soujirou started to approach me as I scrambled, but before he could even finish his sentence, the ring of the front gate bell startled us. Soujirou looked as though he didn't want to answer it, but I welcomed the distraction and shuffled hurriedly to the front door.

The relief ended quickly, however, when I realized who had come calling. There, standing under a day umbrella in the afternoon sun, looking as grim and pale as ever, was Soujirou's stepmother.

* * *

**AN: **Dun dun dun!


	9. Hell bringing Hollies

Title: Bearing Blue

Chapter nine: Hell bringing Hollies

**AN:** I was away for so long! I'm soooo sorry! I'd written this chapter before I went on a little vacation with my friends to Montreal, but didn't submit it, and when I got back, felt I should edit it again. That editing lead to writing more, and eventually, it got so long that I had to split it into two different chapters! So, already this story is expanding and veering a bit further away from the original, which actually makes me happy, because I love it so much more. Yay! But anyway, you guys get two chapters at once! waooaoaoahahahah! lol, hopefully that makes up for my long absence.

And as usual, I love you guys who review, put this story on your alerts, favorite it, or just read silently and enjoy. You're so amazing. :)

* * *

I stood frozen in the doorway, staring blankly at the woman at my gate. Since the wedding, Soujirou's stepmother had rarely come around, and when she did, it was always to speak to her stepson, not to acknowledge me.

"Is anyone going to let me into this house?" her sharp voice shook me out of my daze.

"Mother." Soujirou brushed past me before I could come to my senses, and unlocked the front gate. I expected him to lash out at her over the note, but instead, he seemed strangely demure.

"Son." she nodded at Soujirou before giving me a thoroughly unimpressed look.

"Your wife seems sick," she remarked as she entered. "Looks rather thin."

I turned my head down in shame, but Soujirou put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"She's just fine," he gave me a squeeze and led his mother to the sitting area. I could only follow behind them dumbly.

"What are you doing?" She finally snapped at me. "Go and meet Tetsuo at the gate!"

Soujirou clenched his fists as though he wanted to tell her off, but instead hung his head. It was then I truly understood the extent of the power she had over him. Even a man as strong as Soujirou wouldn't dare to say a bad word in her presence.

"T-tetsuo?" I stammered. Soujirou started to explain, but I was caught off guard by the feeling of a strong arm swinging around my shoulder.

"Hey, no sweat!" a masculine voice filled my ear. "Don't worry about it, pretty lady. I just hopped the gate."

He started to hug me, but Soujirou came up and separated us immediately, staring down "Tetsuo" with a wicked smile.

"Kaoru-chan, meet Tetsuo. My older brother," he said, the corners of his lips twitching.

I craned my neck and got a better look at Soujirou's "brother." It was very obvious the two weren't related by blood, by looks and by attitude. Tetsuo was a head taller than Soujirou, with shaggy, orange-tinted brown hair and a devilish looking grin. The one thing they had in common, however, was the same strange, young look. Although Tetsuo was supposedly older, he looked to be the same age as Soujirou.

"It…it's a pleasure," I bowed low and Tetsuo chuckled.

"Pleasure's all mine, yeah." He tried to kiss my hand, but Soujirou put a stop to it. I wanted to look him in the eye and say thank you, but still felt far too embarrassed. After my emotional "confession" only moments before, I was sure Soujirou had to think I was pathetic.

"Don't just stand there, girl! " Soujirou's stepmother nudged me with her umbrella. "Take this and put it up. Then, go make us some tea."

She shoved the handle into my hands and though I wanted to blow up, could only stalk off towards the kitchen. The last thing I wanted was to cause a huge scene for Soujirou.

"Useless." She muttered as I left.

I didn't really know where to put the umbrella, so tossed it carelessly into a corner while I searched for the sake. I wasn't much of a drinker, but still managed to find several expensive unopened bottles in one of the cabinets under the sink. I could imagine Soujirou kept it stocked for painful visits like these.

I pulled a cold bottle and lacquered cups out for serving, and then laid them out on the tray. Aside from beatings, I'd never served anyone anything in my life, and it was a humiliating feeling. I started out into the living area again, but paused in the cover of the doorway when I heard Soujirou's hushed voice.

"Don't speak about her that way, mother." He was firm.

"You're getting a bit too big for your britches, child," his mother answered back sharply. "It's been months and she doesn't even look the slightest bit round. What's taking you so long with this child? Is she refusing you?"

"Mother, our private life is—"

"—don't give me any bullshit. That wench should know her duty as a wife. And if she doesn't, it's your damn job to **make** her know. I don't care if you have to hold her down, you worthless runt. Just make sure I have an heir!"

I leaned in further to hear Soujirou's response, but all of a sudden felt a dark presence behind me.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop, love." A voice sounded off close to my ear. I spun around in shock and dropped the tray of liquor upon seeing Tetsuo.

He, however, as lightening fast as Soujirou, grabbed the bottles before they could fall.

"Tetsuo!" I took a big step back as he placed the bottles and china back on the countertop.

Tetsuo smiled and a chill shot through my body. If everything Soujirou had told me about the family was true, Tetsuo was the only true living Seta son. And that meant he was as deeply entrenched in the assassination business as Soujirou.

"That's m'name," he leaned in a little and gave my nose a tap with his fingertip. "You can call me Tetsu though. Or _anata_."

Tetsuo chuckled and I gave a false laugh in return, rolling my eyes as I turned my back on him.

"Hey…ya look kinda cute in those training clothes," he chuckled, and I flushed. I hadn't realized that I was still wearing them.

"I…" I wracked my brain for a proper excuse, but Tetsuo seemed uninterested. Instead of grilling me, he busied himself picking at a bowl of grapes on the countertop.

"Soujirou's always been one of those twisted little kids who likes playing with people," he popped a few into his mouth. "He must have been playing with you, right?"

I didn't know how to respond.

"I don't think women need to know anything about combat, though. It's not lady-like," he pinched my cheek.

"Right?" he pinched it a little harder and I turned my face away.

"Right," I said through clenched teeth. "Excuse me, Tetsuo-san…I should prepare the tea now."

Tetsuo took a step back and let me search for the teapot. As soon as I reached for it, however, he cornered me against the cabinet tops.

"Hey so…" he lowered his mouth to my ear, but I closed my eyes and focused on gripping the handle on the teapot. It took everything in me to restrain from smacking it into his face.

"Yes…Tetsuo-san?" I forced a smile.

"Is it that my twerp little brother can't get it up, or what?" he leaned into me, and I recoiled in disgust.

"That's none of your business, you—"

"—Hey, relax! I'm just saying…" he trapped my hands and held me up against the counter. I tried to pull away, but he was far stronger. "I bet _I_ could get you pregnant. No problem."

"Let me go!" I tried to elbow him, but for a man so scrawny looking on the outside, Tetsuo had a grip of steel.

"—you'd like it, too. You feisty little—

"—Tetsuo, is there a problem in here?" Soujirou appeared behind us suddenly, and Tetsuo let me go as if I were on fire. A strange, tense air settled in the room and though Soujirou was smiling as usual, there was a fierce look in his eyes. Tetsuo backed up in what looked like fright, but covered it with a loud laugh.

"Nah, lil' bro! Your wife here—

"—Kaoru?" Soujirou cut him off and looked to me seriously, but I brought my gaze back to the teapot.

"Everything's fine, dear." I murmured. "I have the tea ready."

"Kaoru…" he tried to touch my arm, but I brushed past.

"She's something else." I heard Tetsuo murmur to Soujirou once they'd moved away.

In the living room, Soujirou's stepmother stood scrutinizing the various wood surfaces, drawing her finger over every space with a look of disgust.

When I sat the tray on the small table with a clatter, her gaze shot to mine.

"You're not a fan of cleaning, are you?" She raised her finger to show me the dust, and I hung my head.

"My sincerest apologies. I must have missed it," I lied. I hadn't done a single bit of cleaning since I'd moved in, and Soujirou surely didn't have time for it.

"Hn." She made a low grunt in her throat and then eyed me suspiciously. I couldn't hide my attire from her, but surprisingly, she made no mention of it.

I was happy to slink out of the room without much of a scolding, but paused upon hearing a scuffle between Tetsuo and Soujirou in the kitchen. When I turned the corner, I saw Soujirou holding Tetsuo up against the wall. There was no longer any trace of a smile on his lips.

"Don't you ever touch her like that again," he flexed his hand around Tetsuo's throat. The older man coughed, but kept his smirk glued.

"I don't get it. Why are you so pissed? Mom always fixes you up with the good-looking bitches," he rasped out.

I furrowed my brow, clutching the tray to my chest. _'Always fixes you up?'_ I pondered Tetsuo's words. Had Soujirou been involved with someone before? Was I just another throwaway?

"Unless you actually have feelings for this broad? Is that it? Christ…" Tetsuo coughed again and Soujirou loosened his grip. I leaned in, expectant, but was answered only with awkward silence.

"I always knew you were soft,_ ototo,"_ Tetsuo pushed his hands away. "Look, how much easier do you want this to be? All you have to do is fuck her. Once she has the kid, things'll get taken care of. You won't even have to deal with her bitching. The money'll get passed along to the heir and she can just… _disappear_. Grandma and all the others will raise the brat. You can go about your business."

"That's not the way this is going to happen," Soujirou said firmly, but Tetsuo filled his mouth with a handful of grapes and laughed.

"Fuck that line of thinking, Sou-chan. The only reason mom doesn't trust me with this is because she thinks you have good warrior genes or some shit. But don't you worry, little brother. If something were to ever…'happen to you,' I'd take care of Kaoru-chan…_real _well."

Tetsuo bared his teeth in a grin, but before Soujirou could lunge at him, I entered the room, blank-faced.

"I've served the tea and sake. Soujirou-sama, Tetsuo-san…you can both go in and continue your conversation."

Soujirou stepped away from Tetsuo immediately, and flashed a smile.

"Thank you, Kaoru-chan." He relaxed his body, but I could tell he was still tense. I stepped out of their way and made myself small, but Soujirou was careful to let his hand brush mine before he disappeared into the living area once more.

"Yeah, thanks sweetheart," Tetsuo pinched my cheek again and I swatted him away. The bastard was driving me crazy, and all I wanted was to disappear.

Without caring about Soujirou's mother and how it would look to run off, I slunk away to the garden to sit. I expected to be overwhelmed with a sense of calm, but as soon as I caught sight of all the roses, my heart sank. The bush he'd dedicated to me as a sign of friendship – his personal olive leaf, were blooming beautifully and reminded me of a simpler time.

There, next to the bush, I laid down on my side and curled up. Everything was unraveling, and the man I thought I'd held such deep feelings for was slipping through my fingers. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, but the tears came faster than I could stop them.

I didn't know how long I'd laid there, but before long, the sun was drifting down and I could hear footsteps approaching. Quickly, I rubbed my eyes, hoping they weren't still red, and sat up, pretending to stare at the setting sun. Lately, it was getting much colder, but the flowers in the garden were blooming nonetheless.

It would be a shame, I thought, for them to die out when it started to snow.

"Really beautiful, isn't it?" Soujirou took a seat next to me and stretched out. I wanted nothing more than to agree and lay my head to rest in his lap, but instead just locked my arms around my knees defensively.

Once Soujirou caught sight of my mood, he leaned in close. "I apologize for my mother—

"—this isn't about your mother," I was firm. "She's always been hostile towards me."

"Then Tetsuo. I—

"—I can't believe you," I dug my nails into my arms, restraining myself. "I-I confess to you and you don't even acknowledge it! But I'm an idiot. I should have known this was too good to be true. I'm sure you've used all the old lines with girls before."

"Lines? I—

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I heard!" I wanted to smack him. Soujirou just sat dumbly as I seethed, poking at clovers in the grass.

"Kaoru, it isn't the way you think it is," he finally spoke. "I've been fixed up before, yes, but it never got this far. I feared for their lives and I'd always call it off before anything serious."

Without thinking, I reached behind me, ripping a bunch of roses from a bush. "Oh, I see, so that means you didn't care enough about me to do the same?"

I threw the petals in his face, a lame attempt at revenge. Soujirou brushed them from his shirt without offering up an explanation.

"Don't you…have anything to say to me?" I demanded, but my voice was weak. "After all I've told you?"

Soujirou's smile remained glued, but there was nothing funny about the steady, intense way his gaze leveled mine. It was sensual, but at the same time disturbingly serious. I didn't understand what was going through his mind, but it was definitely something heavy.

"You're getting goosebumps." Pushing up the sleeves of my gi, Soujirou began to gently rub at my forearms.

"Don't worry about my goosebumps." I pulled away sharply.

The slight touch had made me warm all over, and in a not so innocent way. It was infuriating to know that he could make me feel so much when he, apparently, felt nothing at all.

Soujirou rose to his feet and ruffled my hair with one hand, as if I was a kid. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I wanted Soujirou to see me as an object of desire; I wanted to affect him the way he did me.

"Let's head in." He started off back into the house, leaving me to tag along after. I knew Soujirou was headed for the kitchen to make dinner, but before he could get down the hall, I held him back.

"Are you all right?" Soujirou became defensive at once, and searched my face for any signs of distress.

"I want a family with you," I said firmly. Soujirou dropped both his hands to his sides and stared blankly for a moment before his smile affixed itself again.

"We are a family," he reached to ruffle my hair again. "You and I."

I caught his palm in mine and lifted it to my chest, right over my breast. "You know what I mean, Soujirou. I…I've been thinking about what you asked of me so many weeks ago, and—

"—Kaoru, I was too caught up then. I wasn't thinking properly." He furrowed his brow. "Tetsuo and mother coming here only cemented that for me. Nothing good would come out of us having children together."

I felt my heart sink. "Nothing good?" I whispered. "How could you say that?"

Soujirou pulled his hand back slowly, as if reluctant to get any closer. His smile clung to his lips, but I knew well enough to know it was false.

"The way things are now are dangerous enough. We might as well enjoy it while we can, right? Before…" he scratched at a spot on his neck.

"I thought I told you I wasn't going away!" I fumed. "You can't send me anywhere I don't want to go! I'll fight you- I –

"—Kaoru enough!" Soujirou raised a hand for silence. It was the first time he'd ever acted so harshly towards me, and deep down, I was scared.

"I'm putting my foot down," he said simply. "We'll remain together only until the end of the month. After which, I'll tell mother we've had irreconcilable differences and you can go back home. We both know she only cares about the birth of a son. You're not pregnant, so you'll be able to return to your own life again."

'_Your own life?'_ I shook my head at hearing the words. I hadn't been 'home' in months! Soujirou was my home. The only thing I could find a tie to. I didn't have a life beyond him anymore.

"What's wrong with you?" I shrieked. "Didn't you tell me before that I was someone you needed? Didn't you hold me? And kiss me?" I could feel tears running down my cheeks, but Soujirou wouldn't look me in the eye.

"All this about protecting me and keeping me safe… it's bullshit! If you wanted to get out of this life, you would!" I ran up and shoved Soujirou in the chest. He took the hit without saying anything, his face turned to the wall.

"I'm willing to give up everything for you…" I sobbed. "Why can't you do the same?"

Soujirou didn't answer. Instead, he continued on the way to the kitchen and began busying himself in the search for pots and pans.

"Dinner will be ready shortly," he smiled his same, gentle smile, and turned his attention to the fire.

I, however, couldn't bear to look at him. Without another word, I turned my back on Soujirou and retreated to the bedroom, locking it shut behind me.

That was it. Over. He'd gotten my hopes up with kisses and lies, but then so quickly made his true intentions clear.

_I wasn't worth living for. _

Soujirou would prefer a life of murder and sin to a family with me. Still tense and sobbing, I turned my attention to the unfolded futon in the middle of the room. Neither of us had fixed it since that morning when everything had seemed so simple and bright.

The sheets looked so welcoming, but I refused to lie down in it. Instead, I chose the corner farthest away and curled up against the wall. Outside the door, I could hear Soujirou milling about, and then the soft clatter of what sounded like a tray being set down.

"I've made dinner for you. You should eat it while it's still hot," he called into the room. I knew Soujirou was capable of unlatching the door, but it was just typically diplomatic of him to give me space.

"I don't want anything from you!" I shouted back.

There was a long silence, and then a quiet sigh.

"They'll kill you," Soujirou's voice was low, but carried well into the room. "They'll kill you Kaoru, and I'd never be able to live with myself knowing I didn't do everything I could to get you out."

I could hear the sorrow in his tone, and slid closer to the shoji, moving as quietly as possible.

"I told you before that I was selfish…" he continued. "And I still am. I should have never allowed myself to get this close. To let one woman affect me this much. I regret playing games…not taking things seriously." Soujirou paused and somehow I could see him shaking his head.

"Because I love you, I can't leave you with blood on your hands. You're too pure."

"I'm not," I bit back. "I'm not pure!"

Soujirou didn't respond. I threw open the shoji without thinking, prepared to face him, but when I did, found myself staring blankly at a covered hotpot and steamed rice. There was no trace of Soujirou at all.

I didn't want to follow him anywhere, but at once I was overcome with the urge to check the hall closet. As I suspected, Soujirou's sword was gone.

He'd left for work.


	10. In Full Bloom

**Title:** Bearing Blue

**Chapter 10:** In Full Bloom

* * *

I couldn't bring myself to eat the meal Soujirou made for me. Instead, I sat in the bedroom, nursing a cup of warm sake as I waited hours for him to come back home.

'_What if this is the night…'_ I thought with each sip of the bitter liquid. _'What if he never comes?'_

I'd changed out of the training clothes from that morning and into one of the sleeping yukata Soujirou had bought me. I convinced myself I could still smell his scent on it, and savored its soft feel on my skin.

'_Come home already, you bastard!'_ I thought, grinding my teeth together in a most unladylike fashion.

As soon as I heard the front gate bell jangling, I leapt to my feet. The sake had made me a little dizzy, but I managed to steady myself against a chest of drawers. In the hall, I could hear Soujirou opening and closing the closet, and then the soft clicking of a lamp being lit.

I'd never been awake to see Soujirou come in from work before, and an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. Instead of calling out to him, I slipped into the hallway, barefoot and as quiet as possible.

_Why am I tiptoeing around in my own house?_ I asked myself, but knew very well. Deep down, I was scared. Scared of what he might say. Or rather…what he _wouldn't _say.

But the sake warmed my belly, and loosened me up enough to keep walking. Soujirou wasn't in the hall anymore, but I could see the glow of escaping the bathroom. That should have been my clue to stop and go back to the bedroom, but instead I stayed, leaning up against the wooden doorframe.

I waited to hear clothes shuffling or the gentle splashing of water, but there was nothing.

When I finally slid open the shoji a few inches, and fought to restrain a gasp.

Blood.

Everywhere.

I'd never seen so much of it all at once, and all over one man.

Soujirou was crouched on the floor, staring into the warm bath water, drenched in blood. For some reason, despite knowing what he did for a living, I'd never imagined that Soujirou would ever come home in such a state.

It took everything in me not to burst in and see if he was all right. When Soujirou finally moved, relief washed over me. His slim hand pushed against the wall, leaving a sticky red smear, and he muttered a curse. It felt wrong to be so voyeuristic, but I couldn't tear my gaze away. He must have been really out of it, I thought, not to sense me so close.

"Kaoru."

The thought came too soon.

I tensed up completely, but Soujirou remained in his crouched position, leaning on the wall. His gaze slid right to the door, and though I knew he couldn't see me in the dark, it felt as though he was staring right through me.

"Kaoru, go back to sleep." He was firm, but I wasn't about to let him boss me around. No man had ever managed to get away with that.

"That blood…" I slid the door open farther and stepped in. All at once, the sharp, metallic scent filled my nostrils, and I felt woozy. The smell, coupled with all the alcohol in my belly made it hard for me to think straight.

Soujirou's lips twitched up into a solemn smile and he chuckled.

"It's not mine." He let his hand slide down the wall, and slumped down into a sitting position.

"It never…" he paused as if remembering something. "_Almost_ never is."

The blood followed him down the wall, and I couldn't stop staring at the way it soaked through almost every inch of his clothing. _It had to be more than one person_, I thought. There was no way one man could bleed so much.

"Are you looking?" Soujirou responded to my silence. "Is this the man you imagined sharing your life with? Starting a family with?"

I trembled, but continued to step forward. Before he could stop me, I bent and stroked my hand across his cheek, wiping away a smear of blood.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered. "Why don't you understand that it doesn't matter?"

"Of course it maters, Kaoru-chan." His smile was strange and forced. "You were the one who was scared of being a good mother, but it was I who should have been scared. What kind of father could I ever be?"

"You're not this person." I kept my hand on Soujirou's cheek and as if ashamed, he leaned away from my touch. I stared into his eyes, and against his pale skin, found them so beautifully blue. It wasn't a lack of affection towards me that kept Soujirou from reaching out. It was guilt.

"You can't stay in these clothes." I changed the subject, and without thinking began to peel back Soujirou's bloodied shirt. It was only when my fingertips grazed his bare chest that I realized what I was doing. It certainly wasn't the time for sinful thoughts, but still, I couldn't keep my mind from wandering. Soujirou, as if sensing this, placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'll be in later," he said softly. "Get some rest."

"I said I'm not going anywhere." I glared at Soujirou and dipped my hand over the lip of the ofuro. Gently I ran it over his pale face, letting the warm water course down and clear the blood from his lips and chin. It took careful, gentle movements, but when I was satisfied, Soujirou's face was clean and his lips deliciously flushed.

"You'd make a wonderful father." I pressed my mouth against his. Soujirou closed his eyes, but didn't kiss back. "Tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that you want me to leave."

Soujirou lifted his arms a little, as if he wanted to wrap them around me, but upon seeing the blood, placed them back down.

_There it is again. That silly need for him to save me from himself._

I scoffed and looked around the room, sadly. There was a smear of blood on the doorframe where Soujirou had touched it, and drips on the wet floor.

"I remember when I sewed you up here." I ran my fingertips across the cold floor tiles. "In this very bathroom where you begged me not to let you die. Because you wanted a life with me. Don't you want that anymore? Don't you want…me anymore?"

I bowed my head, but Soujirou wasn't having it. Before I could react, his hands were in my hair and my lips against his. I couldn't help but notice how much he changed when I was in his arms. There was no shield of false smiles - just pure intensity. Something in him had clicked, and I certainly wasn't complaining.

"Souji…"

I whimpered and his tongue was in my mouth, warm and persistent. I was used to the sweet, tender kisses he'd given me occasionally, but nothing like this. Nothing that made my heart race and my body tingle. I'd never read Soujirou as particularly dominant before, but there was definitely nothing weak or simple about the way he kissed me.

"You're theonly thing I want," he panted against my ear. "The** only** thing."

A year ago, if a man had said something like that to me, I would have laughed, maybe teased him for such a silly line, but the moment the words came out of Soujirou's mouth, I found myself blushing like a schoolgirl. It was what I'd wanted him to hear all along, but now…

"I've never wanted anything as much as I want you." Soujirou moved his lips to a sweet spot against my neck. "In so many ways, I…"

I closed my eyes and sighed out as he nipped at my ear. The sake had made me a little blurry at first, but now I was flushed and hyperaware of every touch.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he finally laid his hands to rest on my hips and pulled me closer. "Today just made me think about my mother and the hold she has on me. I'd convinced myself you'd never be happy."

"Well you've learned now, haven't you? No one decides _anything_ for this woman," I grabbed hold of his lapels and pulled myself into the space between his legs.

"Kaoru-chan—"

"—please, Soujirou…" I pressed his lips to mine for a gentle kiss.

Soujirou observed me carefully through half lidded eyes for a moment, and then slowly pulled away.

"You've been drinking, Kaoru. I can taste it on you," he whispered on my ear. "You should really go to bed."

Soujirou's voice was calm, but I could feel his hands tight around my waist, moving lower as he sat close together.

"I've only had a little," I murmured. It was a lie, but I didn't feel far gone at all.

"Mn," Soujirou made a soft sound in his throat as I began to push the fabric of his gi down his shoulders.

"I want to help you wash your back," I told him.

Though the sake was making me bold, my hands still shook with nerves. Soujirou glanced down and immediately caught sight.

"I don't think you know what you're doing right now…" he seemed uneasy, and I fumed.

"Of course I _know what I'm doing_!" I snapped at him.

'_Oh no… can he really tell?'_

Soujirou gave me a strange look. "Kaoru-chan, that's not what I meant. I mean you…"

Soujirou seemed to lose his train of thought once I'd began to plant soft kisses along his collarbone. I could feel one of his hands trailing up my back, slow and warm, and I made sure to keep my own hands working down Soujirou's soiled gi.

"Kaoru I…I can't do this to you," he murmured on my neck.

"You're not _doing_ anything." I pulled the small stool over from the corner and ushered Soujirou to sit.

"Kaoru…" he gave me a conflicted little smile and I reached for a washcloth.

"Just your back," I wet it a little under the water pipe. "It's the least a wife can do for her husband."

I smiled a sweet smile, but Soujirou looked unconvinced.

"I suppose that's fine." His words told me he was uneasy, but still, I could see from awkward way he adjusted his hakama before sitting on the stool that his body wasn't exactly protesting.

Without a word, I filled one of the wooden rinsing bowls with water and used it to rinse away any traces of blood on the floor. Once satisfied, I rolled up the sleeves of my yukata and finally turned back to Soujirou. He sat with his back facing me, staring at the ofuro, awaiting my next move. I'd been so confident before, but all of a sudden, kneeling there with a washcloth in my hand and a half-naked man at my disposal, I wasn't sure how to continue.

'_Damn sake.'_

I'd glimpsed Soujirou's bare chest once or twice before, but this was different. More raw…more personal. I let my eyes wander the expanse of him – the sun-tanned skin, the lean, muscled arms. He was lithe, yes, but I could see years of training in his limbs. He was beautiful.

But then, there were the scars. There was no mistaking the long, slim cut on his stomach as a sword wound, but the ones on his back – they were different. They weren't nicks and cuts from sharp steel, but old, poorly healed bruises and welts. Scars from beatings and god only knew what else. My shy gaze softened, and I pressed my cheek to the middle of his back.

It was no wonder he was so tied to his stepmother. Who could ever put something like that behind them?

"Kaoru-chan?" Soujirou raised a brow over his shoulder at me. "Are you—

"—I'm fine," I lathered soap on the cloth and drew it slowly over his shoulder blades. Soujirou tensed up at once, and I placed a hand on his thigh to steady him.

"Does it hurt?" I blurted.

"Hurt?" he seemed dazed. "Hn? Ah…no…"

"Oh…" I lowered my voice a little, trying to sound seductive, and leaned in. "Then…does it feel nice?"

Soujirou focused on a spot on the wall in front of him and cleared his throat.

"It's fine," he said, stiffly.

I wrung the cloth in my fists and pouted.

'_This bastard really wants me to work for it, doesn't he?'_

I steeled my resolve and put down the cloth. Instead, I decided to use my hands – covering them with a thick lather before sweeping them over every inch of Soujirou's exposed skin. As much of a tease as Soujirou was, I was delighted to hear his breathing quicken noticeably.

With a smile, I started to creep my hands forward to his chest. There, I could feel his heart racing, hammering hard against his ribcage. He didn't show it in his face at all, but I knew my touch was getting hard for him to handle.

"I thought you said just the back?" Soujirou caught my hands before I could slide them down his taught stomach.

He craned his neck a little to look at me over his shoulder, and I smiled at seeing the barely-there flush on his cheeks.

"You're a little dirtier than I thought," I leaned in for a kiss and Soujirou didn't resist. In fact, he loosened his grip on my hands completely as we kissed, his palm molded against the back of my neck, holding me steady, even after we'd parted for breath.

"Kaoru-chan…" a little smile teased at his lips. "You have no idea."

He kissed me again and I forgot myself. The rough, desperate feel of his mouth against mine was electrifying, and I found myself groping at his hakama for something to hold on to.

"Sit up a little," I said and was surprised at how smooth my voice sounded. Soujirou seemed startled as well, because he stared dumbly for a minute before speaking.

"Sorry?"

"I…" I took the tie at his waist in both hands and gave a little tug. "You need to sit up a little so…so that…you know…"

I was no longer the smooth, confident vixen. Instead, I was plain old Kaoru, 19 years old and unsure, slightly tipsy and completely aroused by a man who surely knew himself much better than I ever could. I expected Soujirou to throw out a teasing, "you know, _what_?" But there was nothing of the sort. Instead, he lowered his face to mine and smiled.

"Be gentle," he murmured right into my ear, and tipped his hips forward, off the stool.

My cheeks were bright red as I fumbled with the knot at his waist. I tried to laugh it off, but Soujirou was generous in helping me. With his hands over mine, together, we slid the red stained fabric down and off his legs. I could feel Soujirou watching me intently, but I busied myself filling another bowl with water. Before he could ask me what I was doing, I leaned up and poured it over his head, letting it flow down his legs and wash away any last traces of pink.

"All clean," I smiled proudly, but found I couldn't look Soujirou in the eye. My gaze was drawn lower, to the white cotton of his fundoishi, made transparent by the warm water.

My own yukata had been soaked through, and weighed heavy on my skin. Around the hem and sleeves, it was stained with blood. It was the last trace of the violence, and Soujirou seemed to notice as well.

"You did a great job." His voice was husky, and in my wet yukata, I shivered.

Still warm-faced, I shuffled to my knees and took my place behind Soujirou once more. When my hands found his chest again, his heart was hammering wildly, and I could feel a tension flowing throughout his entire body. It occurred to me then that he was restraining himself. Desperate for more, but enough of a gentleman to let me take my time exploring, getting used to every new sensation.

As quickly as I could, I tore the fabric from my damp skin and pressed myself to his back. Completely bare, I hugged Soujirou tightly; embarrassed but thrilled by the new sensation of my soft breasts pushing into his stiff, warm back.

"I want you," I whispered in Soujirou's ear and at once, he started to turn around in the stool. I, however, managed to keep him still with my hands.

"One more spot," I teased, and covered my hands in soap once more. After untying the fundoishi, there was nothing between us but skin.

Still up on my knees, I leaned over Soujirou's shoulders so I could watch my hands. As soon as I began to work the soap through the soft, dark hairs at his base, Soujirou made a noise in his throat. A deep grunt that I thought sounded so unlike him. I couldn't help it- I wanted to hear more.

I'd forgotten all about being ladylike, and instead, felt my body moving on its own accord. Hungrily, I suckled at his neck, leaving soft bites and tasting the faint salt of his sweat. Soujirou's breath hitched, but it was nothing compared to the sound he made when I finally clasped one hand around his shaft. My cheeks pinkened, and I was amazed at how something that had first seemed so unassuming, bloomed into pure, hard heat. In a matter of seconds, facilitated only by a few shy tugs, Soujioru had swollen outside the realm of my one-handed grip.

Babysitting and the occasional trip to open air baths when I was smaller had exposed me to male genitalia, but still… this was _Soujirou._ And back then… they had been_ children._

And dear God…he was certainly NOT a child.

"Kaoru-chan…" Soujirou thrust his hips unconsciously and I gasped against his neck.

The feel was so unusual to me – a man's heat in the palm of my hands, but to know the simplest touch sent Soujirou twitching did wonders for my ego.

"Soujirou-sama…" I breathed on the shell of his ear, and felt him twitch in my palm. I couldn't resist a smirk. "Oh…you _do_ like it when I call you that. Liar."

Soujirou didn't smile. Instead, he craned his neck to look at me and I could see the flush of arousal all over his face. Even his eyes, once clear and bright, were suddenly dark and hazy with lust. My mouth dropped open a little and Soujirou took full advantage. With a firm hand, he pulled me by the back of the neck and dragged my mouth down to meet his.

I was on fire immediately – filled the same burning desire I'd remembered from the first time we'd kissed. So entranced by he feel of his mouth devouring mine, my hands fell away from his lap.

Soujirou, however, was quick to pull them back into place. His own, larger hand, covered mine and guided me through the movements, much firmer than I'd been, and with a gentle twist at the tip.

"Like…like this?" I continued once he'd let me take over completely. His flesh was hot and strangely slippery in my palm. With every stroke I could feel his heartbeat, and the sticky remnants of lust.

"Yeah," he managed to hiss out. "Perfect. Just like that."

But still, it wasn't enough. Ignoring my plea from before, Soujirou turned on the stool to face me.

"I have to see you," he murmured. I wanted to protest, but there was something liberating about being nude before Soujirou – watching him hungrily drink in the sight of my bare body. I'd never seen him look so intense before, and it made me a little self-conscious. I used my free hand to cover my breasts at first, but Soujirou swatted it away, smiling.

"Don't you dare," he pulled me down into his lap and the moment our bare skin touched, I felt a jolt of pleasure course through my body.

"S-Soujirou-sama…" I clutched at his back.

Soujirou spread my legs wide over his, exposing my center. I turned my head away as he stared, smiling wide.

"So pretty," he reached down between us with one hand and stroked the moist lips. With two fingers, he parted me open. "Like a flower."

"Souji wait…" I could feel redness spreading over my cheeks, but Soujirou continued with his light touches, rubbing his thumb in slow circles against the little button at my entrance. No one had ever touched me that way before – hell, I'd never even touched myself that way before. Before I knew it, I was whimpering and swearing under my breath, and when I forced my eyes open, I could see Soujirou watching me intently, and his fingers, slippery and wet.

"You want me?" his nose brushed against my neck. I could only nod.

Soujirou strong hand drifted over the curve of my bottom, and spread the cheeks apart. My heart was racing, and though I'd been expecting pain, there was little discomfort when Soujirou sank a slim finger inside me.

"What a good girl…" he breathed hot on my ear. "You took it perfectly."

I couldn't even find it in me to blush. I was far too focused on the firm, but loving way Soujirou inserted and withdrew the digit. And all the while, I moved my hips in slow circles in Soujirou's lap. Over and over I ground against his hard length, bumping it eagerly against the bundle of nerves he'd teased before.

"Kaoru…" Soujirou's finger moved a little faster, and I could feel his hips joining in with the rhythm.

Despite not being inside me, I could feel the hot pulsation of Soujirou's length, and hear the slick, sticky sounds of our bodies lapping eagerly at one another. Soujirou's hold on me was tight, and I thanked God, as it kept our weight centered on the stool.

"Souji…Souji please…"

I wasn't ready when it came – my first orgasm. I felt the heat building up in my tummy, and was almost bouncing in Soujirou's lap, eager for to find an end, but the feel itself took me by surprise. Soujirou's warm hands crept up my hips, my spine, wove themselves into my hair as we moved together, gasping out into each other's mouths. In one instant, all the tension that had been coiled up in my body released in a rush, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming.

"Souji!" I dug my nails into his back, still bucking frantically through each wave of pleasure.

That seemed to set something off in Soujirou, because with an unusual force he ground his hips into mine and let out a long, satisfied groan. I could feel him pulsing hard between us, pushing hard into my tummy, and the warmth of his release on my skin. For once, I wasn't embarrassed- just relieved to have him so close, his face buried into my neck, his hands stroking lovingly up and down my sides.

I couldn't help but think of Tomoe, and the way she'd compared making love to giving a piece of yourself. There was no turning back anymore. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing Soujirou disappear from my life.

"Soujirou—

I started, but Soujirou cut me off with a kiss.

"Kaoru…" he breathed into my hair. "Let's run away together."

* * *

**AN:** hmm...


End file.
